


Strange Hours

by minute0fdecay



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Comfort Sex, Death Timers, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, Fear, Guilt, Illnesses, Immortality, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Memory Loss, Moral Dilemmas, Multi, Nightmares, Not Really Character Death, Open Relationships, Psychic Abilities, Recurring Nightmares, Trauma, Universe Alteration, Watchers AU, geoff can see when people die basically?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3155699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minute0fdecay/pseuds/minute0fdecay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff is pretty sure that it’s a curse rather than a blessing. But he can see when people are going to die. He can see the days, hours, minutes tick down. Literally, he sees counters on the back of people’s heads, just where the hairline meets the neck, there’s a timer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. OK, Time For Plan B

Geoff is pretty sure that it’s a curse rather than a blessing. But he can see when people are going to die. He can see the days, hours, minutes tick down. Literally, he sees counters on the back of people’s heads, just where the hairline meets the neck, there’s a timer. Should he look into their eyes he can see their deaths – old age was the most common but a few… a few haunted him. He can block it out if he tries really hard and wills himself not to predict. That’s what he does around the people he cares for. He doesn’t know anything about the guys in the office, except whom he stared down after the famous GamertagGate. He was going to crash his car and be impaled on the stalk of the steering wheel in a crash that papers would call horrific and unimaginable. But Geoff didn’t see the timer. But Ryan was driving in an unfamiliar car in a place that looked like Austin, but not quite. He figured Ryan had a few years left in him yet. He drank to forget the image.

With Gavin, he tries the hardest. For a few reasons, the main one being he doesn’t want to see how his significant other dies. Another being, Gavin does so much stupid shit, it could actually be anything. And if he does see it he’ll never be able to look at Gavin the same without knowing. He gives himself headaches blocking out his ability, just to look into Gavin’s eyes in those moments of intimacy. He makes sure to wake up before Gavin so that he never catches it off guard. He does everything he possibly can to avoid knowing.

But it’s not enough. One day, for whatever reason, Geoff wakes up first. He opens his eyes to see Gavin still asleep, facing away from him, his back bare and bearing faded welts from the night before, the sight of the timer on his neck mercilessly burning in Geoff’s retinas.

_04hrs 34mins 21secs_

 Geoff chokes on his own breath and starts to panic. That can’t be right, surely? Gavin’s a young kid and they didn’t really have any plans today and how could that be right? He needs to know and it’ll kill him to see but if he doesn’t do something it will actually, literally, in real life, kill Gavin.

He shakes the Brit awake. Sleepy and looking disorientated, he blinks stupidly at Geoff.

“What time is it?”

“Eleven but that’s not the point. Open your eyes, I need to see them.”

“Why?”

“Shut up, that’s why, now just let me look, okay?”

Gavin forces his eyes open with considerable effort and Geoff moves so that he’s staring directly into Gavin’s eyes. It’s very different looking into his eyes without the strain of not knowing but he needs to know this time.

He sees the vision from a third person perspective, almost like a damn video game which Geoff finds too fucking ironic. Gavin’s talking to someone just out of shot and not looking where he’s going and – yeah, he walks straight into traffic. If it wasn’t so serious Geoff would say something like “typical Gavin!” but it’s incredibly serious. He’s pretty sure he’s the someone Gavin’s talking to.

“So? Am I all good, doctor?” Gavin asks, smiling and getting up.

“We’re not leaving the house today. And I need you to do me a favour. Can you take a picture of the back of my neck?”

Gavin doesn’t respond but carries out Geoff’s actions in a confused manor. He takes the picture and hands it to Geoff who scrutinises the picture to find his own timer but he knows it’s useless – he can never see his own timer.

“You okay Geoff?” Gavin asks. Geoff takes a quick glimpse into Gavin’s eyes and the vision is still the same.

“I’m feeling a little ill. I think we should stay in today. I say, we, because you need to look after me.”

Gavin, now clothed, follows Geoff into the living room where Geoff, still in his pyjamas (boxers and an old tshirt) collapses onto the sofa and rubs his eyes.

“You want me to get you anything from the shop? I’m going out for milk anyway so-“

“No. No leaving the house. Seriously.”

“Wow. You contagious or something?”

“Sure, why not. Now get over here and let me kick your ass in Peggle.”

***

The timer is counting down minutes now, and Gavin’s starting to get restless. He wants to go out. He’s almost whining and scratching at the door like a dog would but Geoff can’t let him out of his sight.

Geoff’s not sure what’ll happen when Gavin’s counter goes down to zero. Will he just die anyway? Just drop dead? That doesn’t seem right, the visions would have corrected themselves by now. It’s still showing the same. If Gavin lives will someone else die? Someone close to him? He has no idea how this whole thing works. Maybe if Gavin lives, Ray or Michael or someone else will die as a consequence. The universe doesn’t want Gavin to exist in twenty minutes but Geoff’s going to make sure he is. But having one person alive when they should be dead usually messes up the whole of the rest of forever, if you believe the books that are written. Of course, they’re just books. What difference is one Gavin going to make? Probably a hell of a lot, Geoff thinks. Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice Gavin slipping out of the front door and yelling “milk!”

Shit, this is exactly what was supposed to happen, Geoff thinks, running after him, not caring about his lack of actual clothes situation. The universe knew Geoff was gonna see this morning and keep Gavin in to a point where he’d have to escape and the universe knew… for God’s sake, he still had to try, right?

“Gavin, for the love of God, come back. Don’t leave, please!” he yells down the street. “Get back here now!”

He feels like he’s yelling at a disobedient child but he’d rather humiliate Gavin than watch him walk into the grille of a truck.

Gavin walks back, confused and quite angry.

“You can’t keep me cooped up in there Geoff, I’m not a bloody chicken! I’m only going out to buy milk, not doing meth or anything! Getting milk won’t kill me-“

“Except it will!” Geoff yells in response. He almost drags Gavin back into the house by the scruff of his neck.

“What the hell do you mean, it will?”

“Because,” Geoff says, taking a deep breath, “I can see how people die and I can see when people die and I accidently saw your timer this morning and you’re supposed to be dead in fifteen minutes.”

“You high?” Gavin asks, looking at his boyfriend incredulously. “That’s bullshit, let me get some milk.”

“Gav, I swear it is the damn truth. You always comment on why I never look people in the eye. It’s cuz if I do, I see how they die. I can look you in the eye because I focus all my mental energy on blocking whatever it is that lets me do this, but I can tell you now you have to believe me. This morning when I asked to see your eyes, it’s because I saw your timer and needed to know how you were supposed to go. You were going to walk into traffic, that’s why you can’t go outside.”

“Give me one reason why I should believe you.” Gavin says, folding his arms and looking uncharacteristically serious.

“I can give you two.”

“Go on.”

“Remember that night we had a bet on to see who could pull the most girls in one night? One of them, I looked into her eyes and saw how she was going to go. Heroin overdose. If my calculations are correct, she should have died sometime this week. I’ve got her number and when I phoned it, it went straight voicemail. I phoned again yesterday, and the family let me know what happened once I clarified myself as a friend of hers.”

“Okay. Second reason?”

“I love you and I would never lie to you.”

Gavin looked pensive for a minute or so before deciding that he believed Geoff.

“So what happens when I live past my expiry date?”

“I don’t know,” Geoff said once they’d settled back down on the couch. “I don’t know if someone else’ll take your place, or if you’ll just… drop dead… or… I don’t know. It’s a risk we’re going to have to take. The universe could random some sort of new death for you, I really don’t know how it all works.”

“How long do I have left?”

Geoff gulped and looked at the timer on Gavin’s neck.

“Three and a half minutes.”

“Kiss me then. If this is my last three and a half minutes on earth, I might as well enjoy it.”

Trying not to think of the worst, Geoff lent in and took Gavin in his arms, not sure if this would be the last time he’d be able to.

***

“Thirty seconds” Geoff said, sitting behind Gavin, watching the timer count down.

“If this is all a prank I swear to God, Geoff, I am dumping your arse.”

“If I could show you I would. Twenty seconds.”

Gavin reached his hand backwards towards Geoff. Geoff took it in his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“This is pretty scary actually, Geoff.”

“I know, buddy. Ten seconds.”

Geoff held his breath in his throat as the seconds ticked away. His heart thumped and he gripped Gavin’s hand tighter than ever.

_3, 2, 1._

After the countdown had finished, the timer had reverted to a form Geoff hadn’t seen before

\--/--/--/--/--

Undefined weeks, days, hours, months and seconds.

“Let me see your eyes.” Geoff demanded.

Gavin, who was still alive and breathing, and it was now a minute past his sell-by-date, turned to look at Geoff. He looked into his eyes and there was nothing.

He wasn’t trying to block it out. There was nothing. He was staring into Gavin’s eyes and the eyes were staring back into his.

“What’s in there?” Gavin asked nervously.

“Nothing.” Geoff replied, astonished. “Nothing. Like, it’s just your eyes. Not like some sort of TV static, I’m not sure why I expected that, but that’s not there either. It’s just eyes, Gav.”

“Sweet,” Gavin smiled, “maybe I’m immortal?”

“Shit dude, you might actually be?” Geoff exclaimed, feeling a lot lighter. Immortality was probably impossible but of course, if immortality was going to be achieved, it would be Gavin Fucking Free, possibly one of the clumsiest and situationally, dumbest people on the whole planet.

Geoff rang round everyone he knew and cared about to check they were still alive and they all were. Each answered phonecall was a small miracle to Geoff and once he’d made sure, his attention turned back to Gavin.

“I think you’re immortal, dude.”

Gavin grinned and squawked his customary squawk. “I bloody am! Test me, Geoff!”

“I’m not so sure, Gav, what if you’re not and I got this all wrong?”

“I’ve got a good feeling, Geoff. Please, let’s test? Something that could be fatal but not quite?”

“Ugh… if your eyes are still blank in an hour then sure. I’ll give it a go.”

***

An hour and a half later Gavin’s kneeled in front of a full bathtub.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Geoff asks.

“Yes.” Gavin said. “If I start to properly struggle I’ll tap out.”

Geoff sighs. He went to so much effort earlier to stop Gavin from getting killed and now here he was, trying to kill Gavin. “Ready?” he asks, his voice less than enthusiastic.

“As I’ll ever be.” Gavin replies.

Geoff pushes Gavin’s head under the water and holds it there. Gavin’s remarkably still for, well, Gavin and thirty seconds in he’s still stationary but gives Geoff the thumbs up.

Five minutes later, Gavin is humming some song under his breath and gives Geoff the thumbs up again.

Half an hour in, Geoff is reading a book while holding Gavin underwater and Gavin is taking the opportunity to wash his hair, his arms flailing about wildly to find the conditioner. Happy with the fact that after all, Gavin might be a little bit immortal, he lets go of Gavin’s head. Gavin finishes washing his hair and emerges a few minutes later, grinning, his hair plastered to his face.

“I’m bloody immortal!”

The one person to end up being immortal.


	2. Devil in the Detail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff finds another of his kind, Gavin wants to know if he can be decapitated and Ryan and Geoff grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm sorry I need my Ramwood fix)

“Do you know anyone else who can do what you can?” Gavin asked a few days later. He’d jumped off a cliff, stabbed himself, drank bleach (that one hadn’t been particularly pleasant, he’d been sick quite a lot and his throat still burned) and was now fully convinced, as was Geoff, that he was invincible.

“I don’t think so. I block it out at work so who knows, someone at work might be the same but that’s a real shot in the dark. I can’t be the only one, right?” Geoff replied. It had been playing on his mind quite a lot – was he the only person who had this fucked up “power”?

“How long have you been able to do it?”

“The first time I remember it and being freaked out by it was when I was like, nineteen. The visions, sure, they’re scary but how do you know they’re not just your imagination? But then you see the timers and you rub your eyes thinking your hallucinating but you’re not. Apart from that woman, I’ve never really like… seen anyone die and have it come true. I mean, had I not intervened it would have been two but, here you are, and you can’t die, as far as I’m aware. I’ve seen a lot of them though. Most of them are pretty uninteresting. Old age. Sickness.”

“You seen anyone in the office’s? Surely you’ve slipped up once or twice.”

“No,” replied Geoff, gulping, “I’ve never seen anyone’s in the office.”

He didn’t want to tell Gavin that he knew about Ryan’s. It would upset Gavin too much and if Gavin knew he would try and get Geoff to make him immortal too. He knew what he’d done was a mistake and something bad would have happened as a result and as much as he wanted to make his family and friends immortal, it would come back to haunt him. There had to be some kind of catch. Despite his urges, he would have to sit back and let Ryan crash his car into a building, the impact causing the steering wheel shaft to burst through the steering wheel and puncture Ryan’s chest. He would feel awful and guilty and miserable for years, but he couldn’t risk the consequences of another immortality. He just couldn’t.

***

Geoff knocks on the door of a house on a dingy little estate. He’s tracked another person like him down, supposedly. Half of the people he’d been in contact with who had similar symptoms all seemed a little scary, and this guy still seemed scary, but not as much.

The guy opened the door. He looked respectable, in a way that someone looks respectable after they’ve dragged themselves up from the gutter and tidied themselves up a bit. He looked tired but had a warm smile on his face, and extended his hand to shake Geoff’s.

“George,” he said. “Come on in.”

Geoff stepped into the house that smelt a bit like dog, Gavin trailing behind him. Of course Gavin would have questions too. Being impervious to death was sort of a big deal.

They sat around a small kitchen table and George prepared them all drinks. When he sat down, he looked at Geoff, who felt a little uncomfortable.

“So, how can I help you?” George asked.

“Uh… I’m not the only one who can see these things, right?”

“No. I can do the same. It’s the result of some kind of genetic mutation. Nothing serious – well, health wise. Your mind can just… sense things.”

“How do I know you’re not just taking me for a ride on this? How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Geoff asked harshly. He was already freaked out and was not in the mood to fuck around with some joker.

“I checked your timers. You don’t have one – or you do, but I can’t see it. Watchers can’t see their own or see each other’s, so that’s how we identify ourselves. You can’t read their eyes either – to you other Watchers are a blank canvas. Do you block out?”

“Like, blocking out the visions? Yeah, all the time at work.”

“Well, non-Watchers will have visible timers when you block out. Watchers won’t. If they’re entirely normal by usual standards, they’re a Watcher. Your friend. His timer’s still there but it’s blanked out. No more numbers. But he’s still standing here. Did you stop the inevitable?”

“Yeah,” Geoff admitted quietly, trying to take in all this information without freaking out. He was a Watcher. Sounded like some sort of enemy mob in a zombie game. “He’s sort of my partner, and I’d never seen his timer before until like, a few hours before… well. I couldn’t let him.”

“Okay. That’s fine.” George said, his face hardening a little, “but you need to realise you can’t do it anymore. Every time you keep someone away, someone has to take that place. Your friend – sorry – what’s his name?”

“Gavin,” Geoff answered, Gavin was nose deep in his phone.

“Gavin didn’t die however he was supposed to, so someone else took his place. Just to keep the order of things.”

The line was delivered in a way that was supposed to make Geoff feel guilty. But he didn’t feel guilty at all.

“Sorry to sound like an ass, but… how is that a bad thing?”

“You know the concept of the six degrees of separation?”

“Yeah…” Geoff replied, suddenly realising why it could be sort of a big deal.

“When you do that, it’s more like two or three degrees. And each time you do it that number gets smaller. There is no room for error. Say you keep someone else. A person will have to take that place. Chances are that it’ll be someone equally as important. I personally see it as a punishment for taking the piss and thinking we can control who lives and who dies.”

“Right…” Geoff said, feeling a little worried now. Who had taken Gavin’s place? Everyone at the office had got back in touch… maybe it was a paperboy? A casual acquaintance?

“You can’t fuck around with your skill,” George said. “It sucks if you catch a glimpse of your best friend’s death but for God’s sake you gotta let the universe go on as it has been scripted. I can only hope that the person who took Gavin’s place wasn’t someone too close to you.”

Geoff felt guilty now. Well and truly guilty. God, what if it had been Michael or someone taking Gavin’s place? That would be equally as bad… someone else had died because of him. Jesus Christ.

“What about me?” Gavin asked, suddenly piping up. “What do I do?”

“What do you do?” George replied, “you do whatever the fuck you want, you’re invincible. You’re never gonna die. Kid, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“No?” Gavin asked.

“You’re going to be alive, literally forever. You’re going to be alive when all your friends and family die. You’re going to watch the world end. And it’ll never stop. The Earth will disintegrate and decay and crumble away and you float aimlessly and alone through space forever. And maybe the universe will implode or something, or maybe if you’re lucky you’ll find some lifeform that’ll revert you and let you die. But being immortal is all great for the first fifty years until you’re all alone.”

Gavin looked shocked, like someone had stolen his wallet and then slapped him in the face. Even Geoff was reeling from the bombshell that George had just dropped. He didn’t beat around the bush.

“That’s really sucked the fun out of not being able to die.” Gavin said quietly.

“Sorry. But that’s the truth.”

Gavin sighed and closed his eyes for a minute, his head in his hands.

Looking as if he was about to ask a very deep, meaningful question, he opened his mouth.

“What happens if I get decapitated?”

Geoff snorted trying to hide his laughter.

“Well, you won’t die. But you won’t have a head either. You’ll see one thing but feel another. And then you might have to pretend to be dead, you’ll be buried alive and you’ll be doomed to eternity in a coffin, probably. Your head doesn’t grow back. Your vessel can get damaged. I can already tell you’ve tried to stab yourself, and sure it’ll scar but the scar won’t magically disappear. But yeah. Amputation and decapitation are things to generally avoid. I mean, I know having your head in one place and your body in another sounds very spiritual and self-discovering and new-agey, but really it’s a clusterfuck from start to finish.”

“So no decapitation. No losing limbs, they won’t grow back. Correct?”

“Correct.”

Geoff tried not to laugh incredulously as Gavin pulled out a small reporter’s notebook and wrote down _limbs/head won’t grow back, don’t cut them off._

***

“Hey Michael?” Gavin asked. They were filming a Minecraft let’s play and it wouldn’t be a let’s play without Gavin asking some sort of dumb question.

“What, Gavin?”

“If you were beheaded, would you rather be totally dead, like a doorstop, or be alive but your head is alive in one place and your body is still alive in another?”

The usual baffled yelling at Gavin occurred after he’d asked the question in his innocent tone. He was genuinely curious. It turned out that Michael would rather die, Ray would be fine with it if he could still jerk off and Ryan started adding unnecessary details that made Gavin regret asking.

Geoff stayed quiet, worrying about Gavin. It had been quite a lot for the kid to take in, that he was going to be alive literally forever. He’d been quiet when they’d gotten back to the house and had been a little short with Geoff and sarcastically thanked him for allowing him to live a lonely and pathetic life, but they’d made up a few hours later after Gavin apologised, he was just in shock. Geoff told him it was perfectly understandable. More than understandable.

Apart from that, Gavin embraced his immortality. He realised that if he was into erotic asphyxiation (which he didn’t know but Geoff had agreed to help him figure it out) that he could never die from accidentally hanging himself while jacking off (Geoff pointed out he wouldn’t need to be hanging as he wouldn’t necessarily be solo).

***

Meanwhile, Ryan and Geoff had been working more closely together. They’d been playing together more, hanging out together more. He’d spent time with Ryan when Gavin had been on a date with Michael and he knew Gavin wouldn't come home on those nights - he would return in the morning, covered in hickeys and smelling of beer, a huge smile on his face. (They were in a very open relationship - it was only really a relationship in the sense that they lived together and they frequently fucked and enjoyed each other’s company – the rest of the typical relationship ideology was missing – they could fuck around, have feelings for others as long as they were both happy to do so). He was getting close to him. He wanted to stop but he couldn’t help but be drawn in by Ryan, his sandy blonde hair, his designer stubble, his piercing eyes and a smirk that made him weak at the knees.

***

He found out in exactly the same was as he found out about Gavin’s timer.

Geoff woke up to Ryan, sleeping facing away from him. He saw it, not yet focussed enough to block out.

_2yrs/7mths/2wks/3days/14hrs/51mins/43secs._


	3. If Things Were Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mainly Ramwood focused this chapter, but a lil Mavin for you too! 
> 
> Gavin wonders if being immortal will change him while Geoff tries not to fall in love with a man with less than three years left to live.

“Gav, this really isn’t a complaint, if anything it’s a compliment, but Jesus fuckin’ Christ, where did you get that energy from?”

Gavin smirked to himself. He definitely had more energy these days, he’d noticed that. He wasn’t sure if it was some sort of odd placebo effect from knowing how he was, or if it was a side effect of not being able to die, ever. But he couldn’t tell Michael that. Not yet. Or at all?

“Dunno,” he said, his hands behind his head, his heart pace slowing, the butterflies in his stomach receding, “you’re just a very exciting person, Michael.”

“Don’t go all soft on me, dumbass.” Michael replied. He too was stretched out on the bed, his head on Gavin’s shoulder, his breathing slowing down after the gasping and the moaning.

“I don’t wanna move but I ought to sort myself out,” Gavin muttered, the post-orgasm haze desperately trying to lull him to sleep.

Michael groaned as he sat up, reached for his glasses and started fumbling around on the floor for his boxers and shirt. Gavin got up and walked into the en suite, threw away the condom and splashed his face with water to bring himself down to earth. He’d never topped before. But something dominant in Gavin had reared its head tonight and something submissive in Michael had welcomed it with open arms.

Was he going to be a new person? Was his lack of being able to die going to change him? He’d never felt the urge to top before now. Maybe he was over thinking things. Maybe his new lease on life had led his subconscious to want to try new things. Maybe it was just because he was desperately horny after Michael had wound him up and wanted to do things _his_ way for once.

 _Shut up, brain_ , Gavin thought as he left the bathroom and picked up his boxers. He walked into the living room where Michael had cracked open some beers and had fired up the Xbox. Putting on a tshirt, he went to join Michael on the sofa. He knew the Xbox wouldn’t keep them entertained for the rest of the night – one could have so much more fun on a sofa.

***

 _Gavin’s resilient_ Geoff thought to himself as he lay in bed next to a still sleeping Ryan.

  _He’s like a rubber ball, you can throw him at anything and he’ll bounce back. Just as good as ever. Maybe he doesn’t understand? But he did have that wobble when we got back. I’ve never seen him like that before. But then again, Gavin’s not the type to think too far ahead into the future. As cliché as it is, he lives in the moment. So what he’ll be alive when everything around him is dead. At the moment he’s got like, three boyfriends, a fantastic job and overall a pretty cushy life. I just hope it doesn’t catch up with him. Although it’s understandable if it wears him down… God… there must be people like him out there though. That guy, he clearly had made someone invincible and he obviously knew about the degrees of separation thing…_

_Could I risk saving Ryan though? But someone would have to take his place… what if it was Michael? Or Burnie? Or someone else that’s just as important to me? I can’t lose Ryan… he’s sucked me in… I get that feeling when I look at Gavin, not just the urge to fuck but that weak-at-the-knees feeling that makes me smile like a freaking idiot. Is that… love? Or just some super strain of Lust? But I want to not just fuck Ryan… cuddle with him. Hold his hand and stuff… But then, he’s going to crash, soon, and it’s going to be horrific._

_Maybe if I go with him… and I die too… it won’t be as bad… but then Gavin… he’ll be alone without his Watcher. He might get lost. I know why he is how he is and maybe, he can keep his big mouth shut and not let slip about his condition… but I doubt it. He trusts Michael with his life… although that phrase probably doesn’t mean much in this context-_

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Lost in his thoughts, Geoff hadn’t realise that Ryan had turned over, his sleepy eyes looking up at Geoff with a concerned face.

“Just uh… lots of stuff going on at the moment.”

He was mentally alert now – he applied the anti-deathvisions filter and turned to look at Ryan. He wanted to curl up next to him so much, to spill his guts and tell him everything and he wanted Ryan to tell him everything was okay.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Geoff paused. He could talk about some of it… could he? Maybe?

“Yeah.”

“Spill.” Ryan said, looking Geoff dead in the eye.

“I’m worried about… you.”

“Me?” Ryan laughed. “You don’t need to worry about me, Boss. I’m hunky dory.”

“I mean… worried about us… I guess.”

Geoff blushed, he was not one for confessing emotions on a regular basis but maybe, if Ryan knew and felt the same, Geoff could intervene somehow. Don’t go for a drive today, Ryan. Stay in with me. And I’ll hope I’ve not just killed one of my friends.

“What’s worrying you about us? If you wanna call it off I totally understand. But I like this.”

“I like this too. I love it. I just… don’t want you to be put off by me being with Gavin. I have really strong feelings for the both of you and I don’t have ‘a favourite’ but if you’re not comfortable with it… I get that. It’s an odd setup. But I’m always going to be here for you as much as I’m going to be there for Gavin.”

“Strong feelings?” Ryan asked, looking a little surprised. Of course he would let that slip. _Damnit Geoff_ he thought to himself.

“Well… yeah. You’re pretty and hot and good in bed and funny and clever and intelligent and… they’re all really good things that make me like you a lot.”

“Geoff, I didn’t know-“

“Oh God I’ve fucked it up haven’t I? Oh God I should have kept my damn mouth shut-“

“No, no no!” Ryan said, laughing gently. “That’s really very sweet. I possess very similar feelings for you. And I’m fine with you seeing Gavin. I mean… I’m sort of… not seeing him, so to speak. There’s something though. Of course, if _that_ makes you uncomfortable, I’ll stop right away.”

Geoff explained that it’s completely fine and almost put him at ease, knowing that Ryan’s interest isn’t solely on him.

“I’m gonna be here for you Geoff. Always. Whenever I can be, I’ll be there.”

 _Don’t say that_ Geoff thought, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. _You’ve got less than three years left to live_.

“Hey! No crying, mister.” Ryan said, wiping the tears from Geoff’s eyes with his thumb. “Boy, something’s really gotten into you. Please tell me what’s up.”

Geoff wanted to tell him that he might be in love with him AND Gavin which is ridiculous and confusing, also Gavin’s immortal and he feels guilty for dooming him to a lifetime of loneliness, oh and also that Ryan was going to die in a horrific car crash and Geoff knew the exact second his heart would stop beating, he could make Ryan immortal but then if he did that someone else would have to suffer the crash, someone close to Geoff and then Ryan too would be doomed to a lifetime of Gavin’s questions which may well be worse than loneliness. He wanted to tell Ryan every tiny little detail, but he couldn’t. He knew that Ryan would understand but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“Gavin nearly walked into traffic the other day.” Geoff confessed. “I stopped him but… he thinks nothing of it and it makes me sick to the core to think of what would have happened if I hadn’t grabbed his arm.”

“Jesus, really?” Ryan replied, shocked. “That must have been fucking scary.”

“It was,” Geoff said, his voice getting louder and shriek-ier, “but he thinks nothing of it and it worries me because what if he accidentally drinks bleach or something? The kid thinks he’s immortal and it just… it just worries me. And that makes me worry about everyone else. What if you get in some freak accident? What if Jack drops dead on me? How do I cope with all of that stuff? How do I live through it? How would I live without you guys?”

Ryan was silent for a moment as he processed the torrent of questioning and fear that had come from Geoff’s lips.

“Gavin’s lucky to have someone like you to look out for him as well as you do. Death just sorta… happens. No one can predict it, so why worry about it? That’s what I think. I could die tomorrow. Sure, that’d suck really hard. But as painful as it is, you move on. You’d hurt over me for a while. Years, maybe. But eventually you’d look back and smile rather than cry. What’s the saying? Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened, or something like that? Don’t fear death, whether it be your own or someone else’s. But trust me. I’ll be nagging you silly for many, many years. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

The last sentence sends a pang of sorrow through Geoff’s veins but the rest of the speech was oddly comforting. Almost like Ryan was instructing him how to feel once the inevitable happened. He let a few more tears fall before smiling meekly up at Ryan. Ryan kissed him softly.

“How about a little distraction?” Ryan mutters, smirking against Geoff’s lips.

Geoff says nothing but kisses Ryan back as they fall back onto the bed, lips and bodies pressed together, arms and legs intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in the space of like, 3 hours, I am REALLLLYYYY DIGGING this AU and the feedback I've had on tumblr and on here has been fabby. I'm a relatively new fic writer to the AH/RT fandom but I am addicted to writing these people and my interpretations of them, I can only hope the fics aren't too shabby. Thank you again for reading, you're all fabby dabby dozy <3 <3


	4. I Feel You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin gives Geoff some of the control he's feels he's losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINIMUM PLOT.  
> MAXIMUM PORN.

Geoff had taken a few days off. Everything had just got too much for him recently. He was starting to hate his ability. Sure, he’d saved Gavin, but now he was scared to save Ryan. He could save Ryan and lose someone else. If he had no ability he would have been shaken by two tragedies, two deaths in the space of three or four years. But, he thought, maybe he could handle grief better than he was handling guilt, anger, confusion and his moral dilemmas.

He hadn’t seen Gavin for a few days. Gavin had sensed he needed some time alone and Gavin needed time to return to normal, but when Gavin came home it lit Geoff up. It was like how things were supposed to be, a taste of how things were before Geoff’s emotions had been shaken up. Gavin always had open arms for Geoff, regardless of Michael, Gavin always had a special place for Geoff.

Usually Geoff acted his age in the relationship and looked after the both of them for the most part. Bore the brunt of whatever life threw at them. But it was different this time. Both sat on the sofa, Geoff rested his head on Gavin’s shoulder and cried quietly, unable to keep his emotions behind bars. Gavin stroked his hair and listened to him cry, offering him comfort whenever he could. He occasionally kissed Geoff’s head lightly, just to affirm to him, he was there, for him, and always would be.

Geoff couldn’t tell Gavin about what he knew about Ryan, because Gavin would either let it slip or get involved with best intentions in mind, but somehow fuck it up. But he told him how he was terrified of seeing his friends die, or not being able to have saved them if they died without Geoff knowing. Whether he could save, but shouldn’t, or should save, but couldn’t.

“I’m losing control,” Geoff said, his voice shaky and weak from crying. “I can’t seem to control anything anymore and I’m lost without it.”

“I can give you control. If you want.” Gavin says quietly. “You may not feel up to it.”

Geoff looks up at him a little confused.

Gavin takes one of Geoff’s hands and places it firmly on his thigh.

“Control me.”

They shift somehow so that Gavin is lying beneath Geoff, Geoff straddling Gavin with the hand that was formerly on his hip now on his shoulder, pressing him in place.

Gavin knew exactly how to ground Geoff, how to appeal to his animal instincts. Geoff wasn’t one to be easily swayed or distracted by sex, but there was a difference between sex as a distraction and sex as an aid. Gavin didn’t want to distract Geoff from his problems. He wanted to help him gain that sense of control that was slipping between Geoff’s fingers, the authority and the dominance that usually came to him naturally, Gavin could give part of it back to him.

Geoff gulps. He’s grateful for what Gavin’s trying to do. He understands the motives.

“Are you sure?”

Gavin smiles up at him and bites his lip gently.

“I’ve not seen you in days, Geoff. I hate seeing you all stressed like this…” he says, running a hand up Geoff’s arm, the contact bringing Geoff out in goosebumps. He loves Gavin’s touch. It’s soft, it’s warm and inviting.

He bends down to capture Gavin’s mouth in a kiss, all the stress of the last few weeks melting away, Gavin’s soft lips kissing his own, dry, chapped lips, their tongues meeting, their breathing growing heavier as they feel their chests pressed together, the feel of each other’s heartbeats beating out rhythms that reverberate through the both of them.

They separated for a few seconds, shirts coming off, before Geoff tended to Gavin again, his swollen lips pressing kisses into the soft flesh of Gavin’s neck, the younger man beneath him moaning softly.

He leaves little red marks along Gavin’s jawbone and neck as Geoff feels him almost rutting up against him, the frustration obviously mounting in him. Geoff’s equally as frustrated, his jeans annoyingly tight. He realises his hand is pressing pretty firmly into Gavin’s shoulder but Gavin doesn’t seem to mind – if anything, he’s enjoying it.

Geoff shifted so that was on his knees between Gavin’s legs, kneeling forward, his bulge pressing against the curve of Gavin’s ass, feeling it adding to Gavin’s frustration. Gavin wrapped his legs around Geoff’s waist, pulling him even closer as he run his hands up and down Gavin’s sides. Gavin always had such warm skin.

He bent down again and started peppering kisses down Gavin’s torso. Gavin writhed beneath him, moaning and cursing as Geoff’s lips finally met the waistband of his jeans. He pulled them down a fraction, exposing his hipbones. He kissed them gently before softly biting them with the smallest amount of force, which caused Gavin to openly groan and grasp the back of Geoff’s head.

Geoff, feeling the sense of control return to him, immediately stopped and took Gavin’s hand and pinned it above his head.

“No.” he said breathily. “Don’t do anything unless I say so. Get it?”

Gavin nodded in understanding as Geoff let go of his hand and went to work shedding both of their jeans. Both of them totally naked, Geoff took Gavin’s now hard cock in his hand and started jacking him off at an agonizingly slow pace – something that Geoff knew really wound Gavin up. He could tell Gavin was trying desperately not to make a noise, not sure whether making noises would land him in trouble or not.

Geoff, letting go of Gavin’s dick, lent forward again to kiss Gavin’s irresistible lips, to feel their naked bodies pressed together. Geoff was going to control what he wanted to feel – and he got what he wanted. Pressed hard against Gavin’s stomach, Gavin pressed hard against him.

“Fuck me, Geoff.”

Geoff didn’t tell him to say anything. He knows how to silence him, and he will do.

They disconnect momentarily as Geoff reached over to their coffee table. Fucking on the sofa was not uncommon for them which led them to the habit of keeping condoms and lube in the drawers of their coffee table, where normal couples would keep furniture magazines or something like that.

Geoff positioned himself again, on his knees in front of Gavin. He applied a small amount of lube to his index finger and slowly, oh so slowly, pressed into his lover, gently teasing him open, urging him to ease up for what was to come. Gavin winced and bit his lip as Geoff inserted a second finger and leisurely started fingering him. He loved having Gavin like this, like putty in his hands. Satisfied, Geoff pulled out and wiped his fingers on his discarded jeans, which he intended to wash that day anyway. Rolling a condom on, he applied a little more lube before leaning over Gavin, a hand on either side of Gavin’s head, arms bent so that his forearms were pressing down on Gavin’s chest. He pushes in, slowly, so Gavin had time to accommodate him. Geoff didn’t like to brag, but when Gavin told him he was the biggest he’d had, it made something within him well up with pride.

Gavin threw his head back as he felt Geoff press in as far as he could, a low moan spilling from his hips. Gavin almost moaned back in response. Geoff raised his head, which had lolled forward in the act of pushing in, his face a mixture of determination and lust. One of his hands moved from beside Gavin’s head and rested on his neck, his fingers curling around the delicate flesh and gripping slightly.

“You can make noise when my hand goes away. I don’t want to hear a single thing come out of that filthy mouth of yours.”

 Always one for pushing boundaries, Gavin spoke.

“Harder.”

As Geoff started thrusting, he applied more pressure to the hand wrapped around Gavin’s throat. Gavin looked up at him, almost daring him to press harder, to make him blue in the face. Wanting to stop that stupid smirk, Geoff put his other hand on the side of Gavin’s face, opening Gavin’s mouth with his thumb.

Gavin gazed at him with sultry eyes. He fucking loved it, Geoff knew, he always acted vanilla and innocent, but deep down he was a little slut who wanted to be controlled. He closed his eyes as he allowed Geoff to continue pound into him, his speed and vigour increasing. Geoff didn’t want to admit it but he was coming apart at the seams. There was something about how close they were, how much power he exerted over Gavin, how desperate it made Gavin look that was bringing him close to the edge embarrassingly quickly. He felt Gavin’s hips jerk upward as he hit his sweet spot.

He wanted to hear Gavin scream. He wanted to hear just how good he was making Gavin feel. He wanted to show Gavin who was in control.

He let go of Gavin’s throat and face, placing his hands instead on Gavin’s hips and lifting him up slightly. He took one of Gavin’s legs and hooked it over his shoulder, allowing him the angle that he had committed to memory, the angle that made Gavin shout his name and curse profusely.

Not holding back, he moved like a piston in and out of Gavin, breaking into a sweat. He hated sweating on a leather sofa and he hated getting sweat off a leather sofa, but right now he didn’t care, all he wanted was for Gavin to know exactly who was in control right now. Gavin moaned and made incoherent noises as Geoff hit his prostate, over and over, causing his legs to turn to jelly and in minutes Gavin was coming, his hands desperately holding on to Geoff’s shoulders, digging his nails in to ground himself as he came, spilling out over himself, the orgasm coming over him like a tidal wave. Stars exploded in his eyes as Geoff continued to pound into him through his orgasm, unrelenting, but Gavin knew, Geoff was close as his movements had become jerky and irregular. Sure enough, a few minutes later Geoff had come too, collapsing onto Gavin, the sweat between them eventually becoming unpleasant and uncomfortable and cold, but neither of them cared. Geoff pulled out and went to the bathroom to sort himself out as Gavin inspected the damage.

Geoff’s grip hand broken the skin on his hips – he was going to have some pretty little bruises in the morning. Aching and used, he wiped himself down on Geoff's dirtied jeans and clothed himself again, before going to the kitchen to find something to clean up the sofa with. He knew Geoff hated getting sweat on their leather sofa.

***

After Geoff had cleaned himself up, he joined Gavin on the clean sofa and cuddled up next to him. He was thankful that Gavin had allowed that. Maybe he had to accept that some things, he could control, some things, he couldn’t. He never had control over people’s deaths. He just had the ability to see them.

“Do you feel better?” Gavin asked, nuzzling against Geoff’s jaw.

“Mmhmm,” Geoff replied happily, “you’re fucking awesome. That was a great idea.”

Gavin grinned.

“Didn’t know you’d choke me, though.”

“Dude, if you didn’t like it you should have told me-“

“No, I loved it. Don’t worry about it. And it’s not like, you can choke me to death by accident so, y’know… I’m all for it.”

Geoff laughed and kissed Gavin’s head. He didn’t want to think about Gavin’s immortality or Ryan’s impending death or his situation with Ryan or if they were making enough content in the office or if they should be doing more or if he could afford to buy their place rather than rent. At the moment all that mattered is Gavin, and spending time with him. The rest of the weekend, he told himself, he would be devoted to Gavin. With that in mind, he fired up the Xbox, picked up the menu for Gavin’s favourite takeaway and fixed his eyes on the beautiful guy sat beside him. He smiled to himself.

Life could have been a hell of a lot worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't appreciate Geovin smut til I started writing it? Like why can't I have a tattooed guy like that. Guh. Mustn't get attached to fictional representations of people I watch on the internet.  
> Again, thanks for all the lovely feedback, and I always enjoy hearing from you!! <3
> 
> (ps people have expressed concern for Ryan in this fic... I think I've come up with a suitable feel-heavy way for that train to sail... muahahaha)


	5. Omitted For Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff tries to return to work and Ray throws a spanner in the works.

It took Geoff a few more days to gather his wits together before he returned to work. His mind firmly focused on work, recording and enjoying himself. He kept thinking about how he shouldn’t fuss about what he couldn’t control, repeating it like some bizarre mantra. Gavin decided to go in to work with Geoff at his later time, knowing just how worried he was about everything and not wanting to leave him alone, allowing him time to get consumed by his thoughts.

They arrived at the office at two o’clock and Geoff took a deep breath before entering the office, his filter firmly in place. He wasn’t going to let himself see anything.  
It went well at first. In the first two hours they recorded a new things to do, Geoff taking a while to get into the swing of things but when he realised that ultimately, life went on regardless of his presence or not, he felt much more comfortable. Jack had done a great job of keeping the office in shape in Geoff’s absence, making sure deadlines were met and even going so far as to physically tidy the office. People under appreciated Jack, Geoff thought. He was his second in command, Geoff would trust Jack with anything. He gave Jack a hard time in videos, as did everyone, but he always assured Jack once the mics were off, it was all in jest and that Jack was a valuable member of Achievement Hunter and always would be.

The next few hours was spent on doing editing or smaller videos. Michael and Gavin recorded a Play Pals, Ryan started editing a GTA video while Jack and Ray recorded commentary for whatever edition of Fails they were watching. Geoff was filling in the rota that he would send to Burnie once completed, outlining the schedule and content ready to be released for the next week. Having been off for a week, he’d looked at last week’s rota and realised that Jack’s method of recording was much more understandable than Geoff’s convoluted system. Was there anything Jack couldn’t do?

That night Geoff went home by himself while Michael, Gavin and Jack went out on the town. Gavin offered to abandon his plans to come home with Geoff, but Geoff didn’t want Gavin to plan his infinite life around him. Assuring him that he would be fine, and that he’d maybe go and join them later on in the night, Gavin went out. Geoff had no intention to join them later on in the night, he just wanted a calm night in, but maybe later in the week he’d go out for a few beers.

***

The next week passed with no massive upheavals. They churned out content, having a great time in the process, Geoff’s worries subsided and although Gavin had a few hiccups when he the truth hit him, he was settling as much as a person burdened with such knowledge could settle.

It was an ordinary day when everything turned upside down again. He didn’t see a timer. He didn’t see a death.

In fact, he didn’t see anything.

Without consciously blocking out whatever it was that made him some kind of psychic freak, he glanced over at Ray who was absentmindedly fiddling with one of his wristbands, waiting for one of his files to save. He glanced at Geoff as Geoff caught his eyes.

He saw nothing.

Fully aware his mental shield was lowered, the sight of nothing in the kid’s eyes threw Geoff into a panic. Was Ray the same? Had Geoff lost his talent or was Ray another kid saved from death but doomed to walk the earth until it was merely dust?

Ray’s face flushed red and he turned back around, facing away from Geoff, whos insides were churning around in a most grotesque manner. He took a minute to gather himself again, before very consciously raising his guard. He looked over at Ryan, who sat to his right, and saw nothing, assuring himself that he was guarded. Ryan smiled back at him and engaged him in conversation, which didn’t do anything to ease Geoff’s nerves. Despite his guard being up, he could still see it in his mind’s eye – the car, the blood, the screaming ambulance sirens. Ryan was in a particularly good mood. Something about coming into some money recently that he could use to put towards something he’d wanted for a while. Geoff wasn’t really listening, trying to fight the thoughts in his head that were battering down the shield that kept him sane.

Unable to keep up the fight any longer, he excused himself from the office and headed to Burnie’s office. Burnie’s office was always open to Geoff unless he was in some sort of business call, which he usually did in the conference room anyway. Geoff, lacking his own actual office used Burnie’s room as a retreat, when he was bored, needed time alone or was just fed up. He didn’t care if Burnie was there or not, but this time the office was empty which was what Geoff wanted.

He sat in Burnie’s chair and put his head in his hands. His head felt like it was splitting apart with the pain that was coursing through it. He fought back tears that burned the corner of his eyes and realised how little it had taken for him to be reduced to this state. He saw nothing in Ray’s eyes and now he was here, in physical agony, unable to be around the people he was closest to for fear of seeing them die and freaking out in front of them.

He sat like that for a while, at least an hour, when there was a knock at the door. He expected it was Burnie coming back from a meeting – whenever his door was closed, it meant occupied, so he probably figured Geoff was in there.

“Come in,” Geoff yelled, sitting up and wiping the tears from his eyes. He’d had a good cry and didn’t want to have to explain his low mood to Burnie.  
But when the door opened, it was Ray.

Usually, Geoff was always happy to see Ray but this time it instilled a feeling of dread in him.

Ray stood before him, looking unusually bold.

“You’re blank.”

Geoff nodded.

“And Gavin’s timed out.”

Geoff nodded, knowing exactly what he meant.

“And you’ve seen Ryan’s timer. And his end?”

Geoff nodded yet again.

“Me too.”

Geoff began to see Ray in a different light. He noticed the bags under his eyes. He realised why Ray had been quiet recently, and why he always seemed like silent but strong type. Why he only made eye contact with his glasses on.

He’d never seen Ray upset, so didn’t have any previous experience to know what happened when Ray was upset. But he was now. His shoulders sagged in a way that suggested misery, and he was staring at the floor, his eyes watering.

“Ray?”

“This thing we do. You need to know… we – our visions, whatever – don’t necessarily take into account free will. Like. You can die from Ebola or some illness, scheduled in April, but you can decide to postpone the trip until June, but the same thing’ll still happen. The timer’ll just change and the vision will change a little.”

“How long have you known?”

“My neighbour died of cancer. He was a cool guy. I thought I’d just had a nightmare but it happened exactly as I saw it. And then I noticed the clocks. But you don’t have one.”

“I don’t.”

“In the office it’s okay. These glasses,” he says, tapping the rim, “the metal in them block whatever freaky waves I emit. I don’t have to strain myself to block it all out. But you’re tearing yourself apart.”

Geoff nodded again, unable to formulate sentences all of a sudden.

“I never saw Gavin’s but taking into account the fact that he’s timed out. You stopped it from happening?”

“I did.” Geoff said. He felt like he was being questioned by a court, but the court was just as miserable and as tortured as the guilty one.

“We both know that was a selfish thing for you to do. But I would’ve done exactly the same. I wouldn’t have let him die. But it sucks knowing he’s just gonna… be alone.”

Geoff swallowed and Ray came closer to him. He gently put his hand on Geoff’s hand, which was wrapped tight around the arm of the chair.

“Free will,” Ray said, welling up and trying not to burst into tears himself.

“What about it?”

Ray took breath but started to cry. He cried quietly.

“Ryan’s just bought a new car. His timer’s gone down.”

“How long does he have?” Geoff replied, feeling his heart plummet.

“Two months.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE PLOT THICKENS.


	6. No Fear The Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff has nightmares, Ray gets mad and Geoff considers his options.

_Gavin sat on their couch. He hadn’t aged a bit. His eyes tired, his face twisted into a bitter visage of a man who had nothing left. He’d tried everything, just in case. Pictures of everyone he knew decorating his walls, their false eyes burning into his skin, willing him to join them. He heard their voices, it was all he had left of them. And there was a shadow following him, accompanying him, but he couldn’t make it out. He could still smell Geoff on his sheets occasionally. Geoff was long gone._

_The apartment was in a state of disrepair. Cracked walls, faulty electrics, the dreadful pictures hiding mouldy patches and chipped paint._

_He’d tried to kill himself while he was in prison. Of course it wouldn’t work, but he wanted out for a while. Life sentence, he laughed to himself. The prison walls would fall down before he would._

_He looked around at the walls around him. They didn’t look any different to the prison walls. In fact, he wasn’t sure if he was actually out of prison._

_He’d been through the God Complex stage which is what led to him being sentenced – he couldn’t die, but he could make other people die, and laugh as people questioned his immortality, the sheer disbelief on officer’s face as he remained standing and laughing as the bullets filled his body. He had lots of pretty round scars now. He’d play dot-to-dot with them when he was bored._

_Gavin got angry with Geoff when he thought of his God Complex. Geoff had played God with him, not giving him a choice. This was Geoff’s fault. Prison was Geoff’s fault. Gavin, for the first year he was truly alone, had coped, but before he realised that his loneliness was a disease that no doctor could cure. He hated Geoff. He spat on his grave and cursed him for doing this to him, essentially so that he could get laid. He couldn’t take Geoff’s picture down though._

_Gavin looked at one of the many pictures of his face that he had plastered over the walls. He put them there like some sort of maddening shrine to his long-gone friends. Geoff was smirking at him, and wouldn’t stop, no matter how much Gavin shrieked and screamed at him to stop. And he heard his voice, loud, clear and spiteful in his head. Covering his ears and yelling maniacally he went to the pictures and bashed at them with his fists. He wanted to feel something, as his fists slammed against the glass of the picture frames, he cackled, taking a shard from one of Geoff’s frames and using it to open his scars, laughing, howling, like a madman. This was what Geoff had done to him. Geoff, despite being dead nearly a century, was still torturing him, and was still watching him._

***

The recurring dream had haunted Geoff for the past month. Geoff was amazed he was still able to function as a human adult, with the knowledge that at this point, one of his lovers, one of his best friends, had less than a month to live.

Finding out that Ray was a watcher too was comforting somehow – knowing that it wasn’t just him plagued with such a thing made him feel a little better. Often times after work they’d meet to talk and they would often turn into impromptu therapy sessions for one another. Ray had only ever seen Ryan’s timer at the office, after Ryan had played a prank on him and replaced his glasses with fake ones. He’d panicked when he’d realised, and he realised when he saw the horrific crash playing like a bad movie behind Ryan’s pupils. 

Together they helped each other through, trying to think of some crazy loophole that would keep Ryan alive. But they couldn’t.

***  
“It’s selfish!” Ray yelled at Geoff. “You’ve defined selfishness in one glorious act.”

They were fighting over what Geoff had done to Gavin.

“I couldn’t live without him, Ray, you gotta know where I’m coming from! It’s not like I don’t feel guilty, I feel guilty as heck!”

“But you realise what you’ve done? Gavin’s going to have to go through what you _should_ have gone through. I know life would suck without him, but he’s going to live, literally, without all of us. That mourning you would have felt if you’d let nature take it’s course? He would have to have gone through that over you, over me, over Michael, over Jack, over Ryan, over anyone and everyone he cares about, and that list is pretty fucking long! You, Geoff, are going to die someday, but I tell you, in about a hundred years, we’re all gonna be gone and Gavin is going to be wishing he could die with us.

Not only did you do that but you made someone else take his place?! Like okay maybe you didn’t know that, but some other people have to deal with the grief of a close person to them running into traffic, and that’s because of YOU.” Ray yelled, accentuating the last word by harshly pointing to his boss. 

Geoff had never seen Ray so worked up about anything, and he didn’t know that bringing up the possibility of making Ryan immortal too would provoke such an explosive tirade. 

“You’ve forced Gavin into an eternal lifetime of loneliness so that YOU wouldn’t have to deal with those painful few years adjusting to your loss. I wish it didn’t work that way, believe me, but if you do the same to Ryan, not only are you dooming Ryan to having to commit to a lifetime of grief but you’re killing someone else in the process. Someone you’ll probably know. You can pour your heart into saving Ryan and do that, but what if the next day Jack doesn’t come in? Will it be worth it then? Can you really place values on your friend’s life like that? I don’t care if you’re banging Ryan and not Jack, or anyone else… you just can’t do it, Geoff! One day you’re gonna realise you can’t go around making everyone immortal.”

Geoff felt like he was being scolded by a teacher, unable to look up at Ray, watery eyes fixed firmly on the floor. 

“Gavin will think back, and he’ll think of you, Geoff, and you know what he’ll feel? Hate. He will hate you for what you’ve done. He will be miserable and it will be your fault. I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Try not to let the atmosphere get too frosty. Don’t want Ryan’s last fortnight with us to be awkward.”

Ray furiously walked into his bedroom and slammed the door shut, which Geoff took as a sign to leave, head swimming. The kid had been right, of course. He couldn’t justify “saving” another life, knowing the consequences. Actions had consequences, it was one of the fundamentals of human life that was taught to him from a young age, a lesson he always bared in mind, apart from in these situations.

He _was_ scared of his own feelings. He wouldn’t know how to feel if one of his nearest and dearest passed away. Of course, in normal situations, it would be pure, undiluted grief, but knowing about the death would bring a whole other angle. Guilt, mainly. Guilty for not stepping in, for not stopping. Anger, for not having the balls to do anything. And Geoff was scared that if he let Ryan die, he would feel all these things to such a degree, he would just shut down and live as an empty husk of a man. It would be worse than death, to just be numb. It was almost embarrassing to him that Ray seemed more emotionally mature than him. But it bought up a lot of questions too. Had Ray saved someone, only to sacrifice someone else? It seemed to have touch a nerve. Or it just could have been common sense and a strong moral compass. Maybe he’d learned how to control his skill, learned how to emotionally disconnect from it. When Geoff got home, he received a text from Ryan, requesting his company for the evening to try out some new game, which Geoff knew really meant “come here and let me fuck you”. Gavin was out with Michael again and Geoff couldn’t avoid Ryan forever. Picking up his keys which he’d just thrown down on the counter, he left his apartment and headed to Ryan’s.

***

That night, Geoff had felt like he was sleeping in the arms of a dead man. A man doomed to death row. Ryan always knew how to cheer Geoff up, to the point where in the throws of lovemaking, Geoff had entirely forgotten why he was sad in the first place. It hadn’t been awkward, like Geoff had predicted himself to be.

But now, Geoff couldn’t sleep, Ryan’s arms weighing heavy on his body, the faint smile on his sleeping face playing on his mind, knowing that in a fortnight, this could all be gone. 

He couldn’t let it go.

Ryan was a heavy sleeper, and Geoff didn’t want to do what he was about to do, but he had to. Gently, Geoff sat up, trying not to disturb Ryan and faced him. With cold, trembling fingers, he very gently lifted his eyelid, praying that Ryan wouldn’t wake up in the process. He _had_ to see just how he was supposed to die. He was not going to let Ryan die.

All he needed was to see the tiniest amount of pupil to get the vision and it didn’t take long. Geoff didn’t look like a man to have a feather-soft touch, but it was something he prided himself on. Ryan didn’t stir, and Geoff forced himself to watch the horror behind Ryan’s eyes.

It was still the same sort of death – a horrible crash, and Geoff recognised the location this time. It was a very distinguishable T-junction, where before the crossroads was a large building, an architectural masterpiece that stood out like a sore thumb amongst the modern infrastructure of the city. At the red light, Ryan would be waiting for the green as a speeding truck would slam into him and crush him and the car between the wall of the building (which was covered in graffiti – the only window in that wall was right at the top of a tall building). Feeling sick and knowing that he was definitely not going to be able to sleep now, Geoff ran all possible ideas through his head as to what he could do, beyond physically restraining Ryan from going out for lunch that afternoon.

He needed to shut the road off, make it inaccessible. He could offer to take Ryan to lunch himself, but lunch was Ryan’s quiet time, time he kept for himself to read and eat food at his own, leisurely pace. Shutting the road off seemed like the only viable course of action, unable to think of a better idea, hoping that when he eventually got some sleep, he could think up of something better.

But for now that’s all he had to work with. Desperately he racked his brains for a way to shut the road off. He could fire a gun into the air and hope it would be cause enough to shut the road off for a bit – plant a suspicious package, maybe? But only one thing came to mind that was sure to close the road off for a while, and that was a traffic accident.

Geoff hatched his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It continues...  
> (thanks for all the fab support, I am loving writing this and the lovely comments just make it even better) <3


	7. If This Ship Sinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff executes his plan, but it may not work out how he'd like.

Ryan went to work with a headache. He was stressed. Geoff had been acting weird recently. Miserable. Which was very unlike Geoff. He and Gavin had become closer, which Ryan didn’t mind, really, but he did enjoy his time with Geoff. But when he had that time with Geoff, he was always reserved. Afraid to look at him. Quiet. On that particular day, Geoff had left for work, with a determined face and the ghosts of tears on his face. On their way to work, Ryan had placed his hand on Geoff’s, and Geoff’s physical response had been to tense up. Ryan went to work with a headache, but put it down to stress.

***

Ray had marked the day on his calendar. He wasn’t sure why. He had realised he’d crossed the line from being cynical and pessimistic into straight up sad. Down in the dumps. Depressed, clinically, maybe. It wasn’t really a surprise to him. He had a pretty depressing life.

He could understand why Geoff had done what he’d done to Gavin. If Ray knew there were no consequences, he would stop Ryan for driving out to lunch today. He knew Geoff was going to do something and he wanted to stop him but he wasn’t a confrontational type, the other night being a feat of bravado he’d never expected himself to pull off. Maybe he could do it again. But that would involve making a scene, outing the both of them as Watchers, revealing Gavin’s secret to the office. They were trustworthy guys, but it would ruin the office dynamic and any crack in the Achievement Hunter foundation would surely find them sinking into the ground eventually.

He nearly took the day off work, but he couldn’t do that to himself. He liked Ryan. He was terrified of him, but noticed that Ryan seemed to have a soft spot for him. Took him under his wing.

Maybe if Ryan did end up getting saved, it wouldn’t be so bad. Gavin wouldn’t be alone. But there was no guarantee they’d stick together. It was a sad reality but they knew eventually, they would drift apart. And even if they did stick together, company may not be an adequate incentive to remain alive throughout all of the rest of history without losing one’s mind.

***

Ryan’s headache got worse at the office. He expected that. He was staring at three screens for most of his working day, not including his phone or other people’s computers. The bright green of the office walls wasn’t helping either, and neither was Gavin’s high pitched singing and dumb questions. But Ryan didn’t like be moody, and smiled through it, taking half an aspirin every few hours.

The mood in the office was odd. Geoff was quiet, Ray was quiet and Gavin seemed to be making enough noise to substitute for them, but it wasn’t working. The atmosphere was bringing all of them down, and they agreed to put off a scheduled recording until after lunch.

Ryan got himself a glass of water to help his head. He’d exceeded the amount of aspirin to take. He massaged his temples as he sat back in his chair. He put it down to stress. Today was a stressful day.

***

Geoff had worked out that for a traffic accident to shut off a road, it had to cause severe injury to the person in the car, which would cause the road to be blocked off for about half an hour. He’d figured out that it would take a car to be going between 45-50 miles per hour to crash into that wall and be injured, but not killed. He might kill himself in the process, but there was no way to know if this was how he was going to die. It was a risk he was willing to take, though.

_29mins/41seconds_

“I’m going to take an early lunch.” Geoff announced, standing up on shaky legs. “I know I don’t really implement my boss status over you guys but I really need you to not leave here until I get back. I’ll admit the mood has been kinda weird in here today, but we need to work and we can’t just slack off because we feel a little blue. If you guys could set up ready for this afternoon’s LP, I’d be really grateful. And I’ll bring back pizza or something for us all. Capiche?”

Ray glowered at Geoff, his heart in his throat, trying not to yell at him. Part of him wanted to leave anyway just to be a dick, but the situation was fragile enough as it was.

“Sure thing, boss.” Ray said, putting on a fake smile to appease his boss.

“Could you get me some of those migraine patches, Geoff?” Ryan asked quietly.

“No problem. Anyone else want to put a request in?”

Gavin demanded bevs and as the guys joked around, putting in dumb requests, the mood seemed to lighten. Geoff smiled at his boys as he left and headed to his car.

***

Ray’s heart went a mile a minute. He was fearing for his life. If it wasn’t going to be Ryan, it could easily be him. He had a horrible feeling that someone was going to drop dead in – he looked at Ryan’s timer – ten minutes and three seconds.

Ray had never been in this situation before. If Ryan was going to avoid his death, why was his timer still counting down? Wouldn’t it have timed out by now?

He remembered talking to Geoff about how he’d saved Gavin and vaguely remembered something about his timer continuing to count down before blanking out. He tried to think nothing of it.

Of course, he could put his mind at ease by looking at Ryan directly and making eye contact sans glasses, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Jack or Michael or Jeremy or Matt or Lindsay either, to assure himself that they weren’t going to die instead of Ryan.

Eight minutes.

***

Geoff was approaching the crash site. Adrenaline pumping through his veins, he felt sort of… excited, maybe? about what was going to happen next. He’d never really done anything this dangerous apart from changing Ryan’s gamertag, which was equally as life-threatening, but this… he prayed to a God he wasn’t sure he believed in that this would work, that this would spare Ryan, and maybe, just maybe cause some sort of bizarre loophole meaning that he wouldn’t completely fuck Ryan over with the whole immortality thing.

Approaching the wall, Geoff put his foot down, but not too much. He had his eye on the speedometer. He had calculated the risk here, he had planned it all out, he wasn’t going to let himself screw it up, despite the whole plan being a screw-up in itself.

He reached the desired speed.

Green light. Fantastic. It meant that there would be no other cars caught in the crossfire, it was only him, only his life at risk.

Reaching the junction, he took his foot off the pedal and coasted into the wall.

Geoff hadn’t been in a car crash before. A split second of regret before he felt the metal crunching against his legs, the airbag deploying, causing his neck to crack, his ribs to bend dangerously close to breaking, the impact knocking all the air out of him. He watched, as if in slow motion, the bonnet of the car crumple like foil, the window shatter into spider webs before the fragments fell like snow. He felt his legs bend backwards beneath him, the seatbelt tight around his bending ribs, the pressure causing a few of them to shatter. He felt his voice ripped out of his throat as a seed of panic and fear planted itself in his brain. He had a moment of consciousness, a brief moment to just register how much pain he was in, to realise what he had done, to think of Ryan, to feel the blood trickling down the side of his head.

Then he blacked out.

***  
Ryan had never had a headache like this before. His vision was swimming, he felt sick. He didn’t know where he was, couldn’t make out the faces surrounding him and he couldn’t move his neck. He’d been floored by migraines and headaches before, but this was something else. This was insane. He sure as hell hoped that Geoff had managed to lighten up on his trip out because the stress he was causing Ryan was killing him.

Ryan’s phone started ringing. It was Geoff.

“Hello, am I speaking to Ryan?”

It was a female voice.

“Uh… yeah” he said, not using his pronounced, polite telephone voice.

“I’m afraid a person you know has been in a car accident. A Mr Geoff Ramsey? He’s in a serious condition, but stable. We’ve managed to recover his phone and you’re his most recent contact. We’re taking him to hospital now. We’re sorry to have to tell you like this, Mr…?”

“Haywood,” Ryan said, his heart palpitating. “I’ll be there.”

***

Ray watched as Ryan jumped to his feet, panicked. Seven minutes.

“Geoff… Geoff’s been in an accident,” Ryan said, out of breath and trying not to panic, his voice breaking under the pressure. “He’s going… he’s…”

Ryan put a hand on his chest and leaned on his desk almost as if to catch his breath.

Everyone by now was on their feet, frantically searching for car keys and such things. Michael went over to Ryan and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay, Ry?” he asked, in a concerned tone of voice. “It’s okay, Ry, just take a deep breath. Like me, follow me, breath in for three and out for three. Okay?”

As Michael tried to get him to sit down, Ryan collapsed.

They watched in horror as his body started convulsing, his eyes rolling back into their sockets, a strangled, garbled sound coming from his mouth. Gavin ran out, screaming for the first aider as Michael phoned an ambulance. Jack, who had some knowledge as to what to do, made sure that Ryan wasn’t choking on his own tongue or was at risk of biting it off. Keep the airways clear.

With five minutes to go, the ambulance arrived with screaming sirens. The office and the whole building was in disarray. People were running to and fro, crying and being unhelpful by asking to help.

With three and a half minutes to go, Ryan’s body was still, his breathing shallow, strapped to a stretched on a speeding ambulance, with no company except the paramedics. The other guys had been too stunned to move. Geoff was in the emergency room.

With two minutes to go, they began emergency surgery in the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there are probably a ton of inaccuracies in this. I don't drive, I have know idea how Austin actually operates but in this fictional Austin they're within five minutes of a hospital. I hope this makes you feel some emotions, I definitely felt some feels while writing it.


	8. Coma White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff discovers exactly what he's done.

Geoff started to cry.

He couldn’t remember drinking, but his head was swimming like he had been. He hated the feeling of waking up drunk. He light hurt his eyes.

A figure was looking down on him. He couldn’t tell who or what it was, his vision was too blurry. As he tried to sit up, he felt a hand gently on his chest, telling him he needed to stay lying down.

“Why am I drunk?” Geoff asked in between confused sobs. “Am I drunk?”

A woman’s voice responded, but Geoff didn’t catch anything she said. He repeated the question frantically, still in tears.

“Mr Ramsey, you’ve been in a car accident and we had to perform surgery to fix one of your legs that was badly broken. You’ve just come round. I’m just going to replace the bag and then we’ll take you to your room.”

“No, no more,” Geoff moaned, his head spinning and making him feel nauseous. “No more… I don’t want to be drunk…”

***

When Geoff came round again about an hour later, it wasn’t as disorientating. He still felt sick and dizzy and he was much more aware of just how dumb the morphine was making him feel. As his awareness returned, he realised where he was – in a hospital room – clean and clinical – and this time there were two figures looking down on him. One of which he recognised, one of which he didn’t.

After the nurse was happy that he didn’t need oxygen, she took the mask off his face and the tube from his nose. She explained the mechanics of the bed (Geoff had never had a bed he could control the height of before) and told him to push the button on the remote should he need any help. When she left, he tried to sit up and get the bed to meet his back. He hated feeling bed bound.

The morphine made his head feel heavy and as he lurched forward he felt a wave of nausea come over him. The morphine was willing him to lie back down again, but determined, he grabbed the remote and moved the bed to meet his position before getting comfortable again. As he moved his hand he noticed two drips securely held in place by plasters and realised the sharp pain they caused him when he tried to move his hand.

He looked up to the figure that was still in the room with him.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Ray did not look pleased that Geoff had come around. His face was stony and he was looking down at Geoff with crossed arms.

“You could have at least used Gavin. Dude would probably jump at the chance to be in a car crash. And he would have definitely lived. You’re an absolute fucking idiot, Geoff.”

“I did live.” Geoff croaked, not ready for this confrontation. The morphine was making him a lot more emotional and it took him a good amount of will to stop himself from crying immediately.

“You could have killed yourself, Geoff!” Ray exclaimed, trying not to raise his voice too much.

“It’s worth it.” Geoff mumbled, closing his eyes, the weight of the situation returning, taking the breath from his lungs. “Was it?”

“What?” Ray replied, looking puzzled.

“Was it worth it… did it work?”

Ray swallowed and looked away.

“You can’t do shit like this Geoff. If you’re gonna try and kill yourself every time someone’s close to dying… just… do you not realise how fucked up it is? I’m sat there knowing that Ryan’s not got long left so to ease up the stress you fucking plow yourself into a wall? You’re supremely fucking selfish, you realise that? Oh, you’re so selfless, risking your life for Ryan, but not giving a shit about how LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING LOSES THEIR FUCKING MIND when they find out about you having an accident. We’ve had to stop work for the last few days, which if you didn’t realise, is not a good thing for a company based on creating almost daily content!”

“You’d rather make content than have your friends be alive?” Geoff asked, feeling hurt and offended.

“You’re missing the goddamn point. The universe doesn’t revolve around you. Your actions have ripples beyond what you expect.”

Geoff held his head, heavy in his hands and started to cry again. He sobbed into the blanket placed on top of his hospital sheet, his physical hurt making the emotional hurt so much worse, and vice versa. He felt like a crumpled bit of paper that had been tossed aside and had no idea how he was ever going to live this feeling down.

“We’re not sure if it was worth it.” Ray mumbled.

***

Gavin leaned on Jack’s shoulder as Michael paced around the room. The sound of a ventilator, EGC machine and the anxious footsteps filled the gloomy silence.

“Will he be okay?” Gavin asked Jack quietly.

Jack didn’t know the answer and didn’t want to get Gavin’s hopes up. He wrapped his arm around the younger man and gave him a comforting squeeze. He didn’t reply.

A few minutes later a nurse entered the room and went to tend to Ryan. She fiddled with the various machines he was plugged into, and took a drip from out of his hand. She turned to Michael, who had continued pacing.

“I’ve just taken him off the pentobarbital. He should come round in a few hours.”

“Thank you, nurse” responded Jack, Michael too deep in thought to even acknowledge the nurse’s presence. “How’s he looking?”

“His vitals seem in order for someone who’s been what he’s been through. I’ll come back to empty his drain in a few minutes but he doesn’t seem to be losing as much blood as before so it looks hopeful that we’ve stopped the bleed.

“Great,” Jack replied, giving a faint smile, “thank you, ma’am.”

***

“It wasn’t the car crash.”

“What?” Geoff replied incredulously. Ray had given him some time to come round before trying to explain the situation. Geoff was now able to sit up of his own accord (although he was absolutely taking advantage of the bed that would bend to his will), had managed to eat a small slice of toast and was now drinking water. He felt a little more human now.

“I think I’ve figured it out.”

“Is Ryan alive?” Geoff asked, his heart beating a little faster.

“Yes. For now.”

Geoff breathed a sigh of relief and smiled to himself. He’d deal with the immortality guilt later.

“Are you awake enough for me to explain what happened?” Ray asked.

Geoff nodded and took another drink of water.

“Ryan’s in a coma. Medically induced, though. He’s had to have brain surgery because of an intracranial haemorrhage. It caused him to have a seizure. It was horrifying. What you – what we both missed – was that what would kill Ryan is the seizure, which would have been triggered by a head injury caused by the crash. The nurse said he would have survived the crash – it was the seizure that nearly killed him.”

“But the crash would have triggered the seizure? I don’t get it?” Geoff asked.

“I think it’s like lung cancer from smoking. It’s not technically the smoking that kills you, it’s the cancer as a result of smoking that kills you.”

Geoff nodded to show that he understood and Ray continued.

“So I thought, shit, Geoff had done it, Geoff had gone and fucked with the universe again. But someone needed to have that seizure in Ryan’s place, right? And because you fucked up with Gavin it’s gonna be someone close to you. I’ve figured that the universe goofed and gave Ryan the seizure anyway, helped along by the fact that he had a headache all day.”

Geoff looked puzzled.

“In the crash situation, Ryan would not have survived the seizure, due to his other injuries and the response time. But because he was in the office, around people who were already alert because of what had happened to you, he got medical attention in time and they managed to save his life.”

“Shit so… he was still supposed to die… but it wasn’t me… he took his own place but still didn’t die?”

“I’ve phoned around everyone we know, your relatives, Ryan’s relatives and everyone’s fine. From what I can tell, anyone close to you is fine.”

Geoff ran his hands through his hair. This was too much to take in.

“So… is he… y’know… unkillable?”

Ray let a small smile light up his face.

“No. He’s… he… you managed to put him in a ridiculously fringe scenario where he gets to flirt with death. You found a fucking loophole in the universe. I had to check how he was, so when the nurse was making sure his eyes weren’t drying out, I had a look. Wrinkly hands, hospital room, family around him. He’s alive and kicking, for now, as he should be.”

“Jesus,” Geoff said, feeling excited and the happiest he’d felt for weeks, months, even.

“Yes. He sorta is,” Ray said, laughing at his own joke. “Let this be a fucking lesson to you though, Geoff, because this is never again going to happen in like, five thousand years.”

Geoff was overwhelmed, too happy to speak. Ray tried to keep his face hard and angry, but couldn’t help but smile along with Geoff.

“I’m gonna let the guys know that you’re up and awake. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Geoff sighed with happiness as Ray left. Death was such a fucking idiot, Geoff thought to himself, imagining the skeletal man going red faced (somehow), tying Binky up in the stable and placing Ryan’s hourglass back on its shelf. It had turned itself over, and the top orb was abundant, filled to the brim with the precious grains of sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all satisfied with this outcome! It's not all truly peachy though! Shout out to Isaac_Kran for guessing there'd be a loophole ... I've just written too many death fics for me to justify writing another!  
> Depictions of being "drunk" on morphine are purely my own, last summer I had surgery and I remember waking up and crying because I thought I was drunk and didn't want to be.   
> I would really like to think that Geoff is a Pratchett reader and for anyone who doesn't know, that whole Death bit is from the book Mort by Terry Pratchett, about the "anthropomorphic personification of death" hiring an apprentice and who also has a horse called Binky.  
> The title from the fic is a song title. It has no relevance to the actual fic but it's a fucking fantastic song by Recoil which I highly recommend.  
> FINALLY, I need your opinion. I sort of want to do a chapter where Geoff and Ray explain the entire situation to the rest of the guys. What do you think? Yay or nay? I can think of reasons for both... but what to you guys think?  
> Again, thanks for the support on this dumb little story, it means the world <3


	9. I Remember

Ryan’s eyes fluttered open. His vision was blurry, his throat was as dry as the desert… his head. His head hurt a hell of a lot and his neck was stiff. He moved his fingers lightly, as if to make sure he still had feeling in them. He looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. He wasn’t sure how he got here. He could vaguely hear people sighing and whispering excitedly in the background, before the friendly face of a nurse loomed over him.

“Welcome back, Ryan.” She said softly, smiling.

She listened to his chest through her stethoscope, drew some blood from him and examined the blurry, colourful numbers on display on the machine above him.

She turned to the guys who were stood at the end of the room, watching as Ryan woke up.

“He seems to be doing fine. We’ll let him wake up a bit before we try taking him off the ventilator. His drain seems to be getting less and less every time we empty it. It’s a miracle he’s recovered this well, really.”

As she left the room, Jack went up to Ryan, whos eyes were darting frantically around the room.

“Hey, hey, we’re here,” said Jack, speaking in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

Ryan couldn’t say anything but fixed his eyes on Jack, what looked like a smile spreading over his face beneath the oxygen mask. Maybe Ryan couldn’t speak just yet, but his eyes spoke for him, despite half-open. He was glad to see them.

Cautiously, the rest of the guys approached the foot of his bed, smiling up at him. He weakly waved at them, before turning his head to look at Jack again, who was resting his hand atop Ryan’s.

“Where’s Geoff?” he croaked.

“He’s fine. He’s awake and lucky to have come out of it with a broken leg and a few cracked ribs.” Ray replied, speaking up to make sure Ryan could hear him. “He should be able to come see you later on. He could be up and about – sort of - in a wheelchair by then.”

Jack softly stroked Ryan’s hand with his thumb and tried not to tear up. The only times he’d been this emotional was at the end of the Extra Life stream and on his wedding day, but considering how dire things looked a day ago, things had turned out quite well, considering.

***

A few days later, Geoff was off his drip and was practicing to move about on crutches. Any long trips he needed to make, he used a wheelchair, but for all intents and purposes, he was mobile. He was eating again, and to his surprise, hospital food wasn’t all that bad. Over the last twenty four hours the guys had come up to see him, one by one. Gavin had stayed a while after having crawled on the bed and cuddling up next to him, careful to avoid the bruised ribs and broken leg. Geoff had kissed the top of the kid’s scruffy hair and fallen asleep with Gavin’s comforting weight next to him. He’d woken up alone, but a note scribbled by Gavin explained that he’d been kicked out for staying past visiting hours.

He made the trip down to see Ryan after he’d had lunch. The guys had gone home to get some rest and Geoff took the opportunity to independently get around. His friends were too goddamn nice for their own good, always insisting they’d wheel him around and everything.

He vaguely remembered that Ryan was in a room two floors above him, but he’d forgotten which ward he was on. In the end, it took four elevator rides (two of which were completely unnecessary), accidentally wheeling in on someone going into labour, waiting in an X-ray outpatients’ waiting room for five minutes while a nurse went to get the info he needed and struggling to reach the coin slot on a vending machine before he found Ryan, sat up in bed, still on a drip, a weird, nearly-empty bag of blood resting on his shoulder, a breathing tube around his nose, but a smile on his face. He was reading a book and drinking a cup of milked-down tea, glasses perched on the end of his nose. He looked up at Geoff and smiled.

“Hey, soldier. I wondered how long it’d be before I got to see you.”

Geoff went over to the side of Ryan’s bed and picked up the drip-less hand. He kissed it gently and Ryan giggled like a little schoolgirl as Geoff placed his hand down again.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you” Geoff said, trying to contain his happiness. “When I heard what had happened… I felt the earth plummet beneath my feet.”

“I don’t remember, to be honest,” Ryan responded. “My memory’s a little fuzzy. But I’m glad to be alive. And I’m glad you’re here. And I remember you and I remember that I like you a whole hell of a lot.”

Geoff blushed and smiled. “Enough with your flattering ways, how are you feeling?” Geoff asked.

“Surprisingly well, considering I’ve had a life threatening seizure and major brain surgery in the last week.”

As Ryan finished his sentence, a very important looking doctor entered the room, smiling at the both of them and went to the other side of Ryan’s bed, before producing a clipboard and pen from the inside of his labcoat.

“Afternoon, Ryan, how are we today?”

“Pretty good,” Ryan said. “My memory is slowly coming back together – some bits of it, anyway.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” replied the doctor, enthusiastically. “That’s what I’m here for too. You mind if I ask you a few questions?”

Ryan nodded, and the doctor turned to his clipboard.

“What’s your full name?”

“James Ryan Haywood, but I go by Ryan.” He replied confidently.

“How old are you?”

“Thirty four.”

“If I was to defenestrate, what would I be doing?”

“You’d be throwing something out of a window.”

“Very good!” replied the doctor, scribbling Ryan’s answers down. “Ready for some more questions?”

Ryan nodded.

“Great. When were you born?”

“Um… December 6th, 198…1? No, 1980.” He answered. He gulped a little at the realisation that he shouldn’t be second-guessing his own date of birth.

“Where are you originally from?”

“Georgia.”

“What industry do you work in?”

“I work for Rooster Teeth.” Ryan replied, a childlike innocence in his voice.

“That’s not what I asked. What industry do you work in?”

“I… I play… video games, I think? I work with Geoff.”

“Ryan, it’s okay if you can’t remember,” the doctor said soothingly. “I’d rather you be honest. Why do you play video games?”

Ryan looked over at Geoff, a panicked expression on his face. “I… I just play video games! With Geoff and Gavin and –“

“Okay, next question.”

The doctor rattled through a series of complex mathematical questions that Ryan answered correctly without a moment’s hesitation. But when he was asked what GTAV was, he didn’t know. When he asked what model car he had, he had responded confusedly, asking if he could drive. When the doctor pointed to his book and asked what it was about, he couldn’t give an answer. Geoff noticed him tripping over his words rather a lot.

As the doctor left, Geoff followed after him, asking to know why Ryan’s memory was in tatters.

“It’s bound to be sketchy after what happened, but it seems that he’s having difficulty remembering easy things that he does day to day. If you ask him about his book a few seconds after he’s put it down, I’m sure he’d be able to recite it to you, but after a few minutes it will have gone from memory. I’m sure Ryan will know what he does once he gets back to work. The issue is, we’re not sure if it’s permanent or not. But we’ll try him on some medication alongside the one he’s been prescribed, and once he’s discharged he’ll be given cognitive therapy. He might also have trouble with things such as walking and eating.”

Geoff’s heart sank a little. Of course, things weren’t going to be cleared up _that_ easily. There had to be some sort of catch to finding the loophole. The smartest man he knew would be unable to perform his job. The thing Ryan prided himself on, his skill, his cleverness, was partially destroyed. Maybe forever. But at the end of the day, Geoff wouldn’t really care, so long as Ryan was still able to remember him and to love him. He went back into the room to the younger man and stayed there for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please continue to give me your opinions on the whole telling/not telling situation! Someone mentioned about telling just Ryan which I think might be an option that I might pursue, but still tell me what you think! Got a lot to write before that!   
> Oh and for anyone who didn't know, defenestration is a real word (shoutout to Northernlion for being a smartass) and a drain is like a tube that is put inside a wound (after surgery etc) to drain blood that may be not so beneficial for the person so it gets emptied every day and the volume collected shows how much the wound is bleeding etc. Just so that no one curious and all icky with blood googles it, because it's kinda gross.  
> Keep up with the feedback, I love seeing your reactions and your comments <3


	10. Hole to Feed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Geoff return to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (tw for attempted suicide. It's nothing too graphic and only briefly mentioned. Just a heads up for y'all) <3

It had been quite hard to go back to work.

Geoff was still on crutches three months after the accident. His ribs still hurt but felt more or less healed. The pain wasn’t helped when Gavin would cuddle up next to him at night, but Geoff was always either too sleepy or too polite to ask Gavin to get off. The kid was worth the pain anyway, he thought to himself. Apart from that, Geoff was back on his feet, returning to work, a month after being discharged from hospital.

It wasn’t quite the same in Ryan’s case.

Ryan now had to walk with a cane after the surgery had left him with difficulty walking. His memory had slightly improved. He remembered where he worked and who his coworkers were, but when presented with a gamepad, he stared blankly at it, the agony of knowing he needed to use it but he had no idea how to written plainly across his face. Ryan hadn’t come back to work with Geoff, he’d taken an extra month off while he tried to improve his memory.

He came back to work when he felt confident enough to face people other than Geoff, the rest of the AH office and his therapist. Geoff was wary about putting him in a Let’s Play, knowing that the fans had been short changed in the last few months in regards to content.

He settled right back into Minecraft, but it wasn’t exactly like there needed to be much brain-power behind a Let’s Play in that particular game. But more demanding games such as GTAV, overwhelmed Ryan, causing him to blank out half way through and proceed to sit in his chair, looking disappointed in himself. It had happened a few times during various Let’s Play’s, where Ryan had gone blank in the middle of recording. Geoff knew when it happened, because Ryan would stop his recording, quit his capturing and went to sit on the sofa, staring at the floor, absentmindedly playing with his cane. It broke all of the guys’ hearts, but they knew for the sake of content that they couldn’t draw attention to it until they had finished recording. Which often meant that Ryan would be sat alone, feeling disappointed, useless and annoyed with himself for a few hours.

Then they would take time out to make him feel better about himself, try and teach him the game over again and more often than not, Ryan would remember straight away and feel even worse and even stupider for the timing of his memory loss.

He’d been seemingly fine with retaining information to the point where he’d been invited back on The Patch. After each episode he’d come into the office beaming from ear to ear, grabbing the nearest person in the room and hugging them, proclaiming excitedly that he’d done it! He did it! He’d remembered everything he needed to remember! The guys would congratulate him, then the excitement would die down and things would return to normal. Ryan would always perform better in a good mood, quite often being able to record a full Let’s Play if he was riding the high he got from The Patch.

The next time he’d been on The Patch he’d forgotten what he was talking about and why he was there during the middle of the livestream. He’d continued smiling after he’d blanked out and gone silent before realising he’d abandoned a long-forgotten sentence and you could read the heartbreak on his face. Meg and Gus looked gutted for him too, but as it was in the office, they had continue on as if nothing had happened, but Meg would place her hand on his shoulder occasionally to remind him that they were there for him and hadn’t forgotten him. Thankfully, during the last ten minutes, his memory came back and Ryan almost spent the remaining minutes of the podcast making up for his silence over the last half an hour, which the other two didn’t mind at all, posing questions to him in a way that would require long, detailed answers which Ryan was more than able to answers, which in turn, made him feel wonderful, useful, a competent employee and not a complete write-off.

Ryan had to move in with Geoff and Gavin after they’d realised that his memory loss was, ironically, causing him to forget to take his medication to help his memory loss. At times, having him in the house was like having to look after a toddler. Sometimes he’d forget how to eat, or how to use a knife and fork, which would mean that Geoff or Gavin had to cut his food up for him and occasionally feed it to him. It would make him cry with embarrassment, humiliation and shame, as he knew, he knew that he’d forgotten something, he knew he was acting like a baby and needed to be cared for as such. They had to stop him from wandering off and teach him how to do things like write, whenever he needed to make notes in his “memory book” (which, unfortunately, he forgot about when it was most needed). It was heartbreaking, it was hard work, but progress was being made slowly.

 At times, it would just be like living with pre-accident Ryan. Sometimes Geoff would wake up from a nap and find Ryan cooking in the kitchen, smiling over at him and explaining his whole day to him. That was a sign of a good day for Ryan. He’d sit down with Geoff and Gavin and talk about the day from start to finish, in excruciating detail – down to the colour of boxers he put on and all the people he’d seen and spoken to in the office.

Not only was Ryan’s condition ruining Ryan’s life, it was breaking Geoff’s heart and filling him with guilt. Ryan wasn’t really Ryan anymore. The memory loss had changed him, as it would to anyone. They didn’t really see the real Ryan anymore. He was either a different, blank person altogether, or too busy being embarrassed, ashamed and disappointed by his lack of memory. They savoured every moment they had with the old Ryan, the Ryan who was too smart for his own good, friendly, slightly mad and always cheerful despite his occasionally grouchy exterior.

And it was all Geoff’s fault.

They’d pretty much lost Ryan because of Geoff.

Was it worth it? Ryan had lost himself because Geoff had taken a risk to save his life. He saw how Ryan was slowly sinking into a depression because of his condition. How much he beat himself up every time he couldn’t remember something, how often he wanted to quit his job, how often he’d asked to be admitted to a mental hospital in a miserable, amnesiac stupor. Geoff wasn’t allowed to hear what Ryan would talk about during his regular therapy and recovered memory therapy, but he had a good idea. He watched Ryan transform from a confident, beautiful, lively man into a shadow of what he used to be, loathing everything he was.

Would Ryan have been better off dying?

One night he came home to find Ryan attempting to take his life.

He was in the process of taking a lot of pills. Geoff and Gavin knew what to do, making him throw up what he’d swallowed. They’d fortunately caught him early on. They nearly forced water down his throat, making him empty his stomach completely before Ryan realised what he had tried to do.

He broke down. Geoff spent the night sat on the bathroom floor, cradling a sobbing Ryan who was clutching his shirt and crying into it, while Gavin stroked his hair, shushing him, telling everything was going to be okay, when they weren’t sure that things would ever be totally okay again.

***  
A fortnight later, Ryan had made improvements. His suicide attempt had scared him to the point where, even when he had blanked out, he was determined to make even more progress and to keep on living for the sake of kicking the amnesia in the face. He spent more time talking about his feelings to the guys, and they made more time for him and gave him more care. Told him it was okay to forget things sometimes. They didn’t mind. Everyone forgets stuff from time to time.

When Ray got wind of Ryan’s suicide attempt, he’d almost throttled Geoff when he asked him to meet in Burnie’s office.

“You fucking idiot! You see what you’ve done?”

Ray had been surprisingly quiet after everything that had happened, but distinctly cold towards Geoff. Geoff understood completely of course, but it seemed that Ryan taking pills had really pushed him over the edge.

“I know.” Geoff sighed. “I know.”

“THIS is why you can’t fuck around with people’s lives. You don’t get to decide, buddy, you’ve just gotta suck it up because things like THIS happen. My best friend, an asset to this office, is drowning in misery, because of YOU. We’ve lost a great guy, and why? Because you’re too fucking SELFISH, GEOFF.”

Geoff didn’t know how to respond to Ray. He agreed with every word he said.

“Ryan has proved that he would rather be dead than deal with this shit. HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS, GEOFF. He might be alive for a good while but I hope to God for your sake that he’s not this miserable, ghost of his former self for the rest of that time. You have ruined his life, Geoff. It kills me to say this, but you should have let him die.”

Neither of them noticed that Ryan had been stood by the slightly-open door for the whole time.

“Let me die?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a bit filler-y, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3


	11. We Live So Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff confesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I would like to continually thank you for the lovely comments. They make my heart happy :)  
> Second of all, I would like to apologise to anyone who may think I have handled this subject area a little insensitively. I understand dementia / amnesia is a horrible thing to happen to a person that has a ripple effect to everyone around them, I know this because my grandad has dementia. It was not until recently I realised that although it's not upsetting me too much, it may be really upsetting to some people. So to those people I offer my sincerest apologies and wish you all of my bestest regards <3  
> Thirdly, I noticed that the last chapter was formatted a little oddly. I've gone and fixed that now :)
> 
> Warning in this chapter for physical fighting, mentions of suicide, and general angst.

Both Geoff and Ray stopped in their tracks to look at the hurt looking Ryan standing in the doorway.

“Ryan, you don’t-“

“You mean from the pills? You should have just let me kill myself?”

“That’s not what we mean at all, Ry.” Ray said lightly.

“Then what the hell do you mean, ‘you should have let him die’?” Ryan said, raising his voice, his face going red. “Unplugged me? Left me to seize on the floor? Am I that much of a burden to you guys?”

Ray rubbed his eyes while Geoff stood up to face Ryan. He deserved to know. Right?

Geoff was very aware that what he was about to do would possibly end his relationship with Ryan. It could break up the office and cause unresolvable tensions. But Geoff felt that it was the time to face up to his actions, deal with his emotions and realise that whatever would come of this, it was ultimately his fault.

Geoff took a deep breath.

“I crashed my car to stop you from crashing yours. Me and – Ray – Ray and I, we have this… thing. I don’t expect you to believe me and I expect you to be really angry with us – me- but, I can see how long people have left. And we can see how people die too. I saw how you were supposed to go, and it was a car crash which would have caused your seizure and leave you to die. But when I saw, I didn’t know that it would give you a seizure. I crashed where you were supposed to so that you wouldn’t die, but you had the seizure anyway but now instead of being dead, you have this stupid memory thing, and I feel terrible and… I know this is a lot to tell you in one go but… it’s my fault you can’t walk or remember things and maybe… I dunno.”

Ryan paced slowly towards Geoff, face showing no emotion, apart from tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“I’ve read about people who have that skill. You and Ray – you knew I was supposed to die?”

They both nodded.

Ryan felt sick. He’d been governed and played around with like a chess piece, he’d almost had his free will denied.

He was livid.

Geoff was surprised at how little emotion Ryan was showing, but then he’d forgotten that through Ryan’s transformation, he was still a very smart, shrewd man.

“So, instead of dying… I can’t have consistent memory. I have to second guess every single move I make. Because you decided I wasn’t allowed to die.”

Geoff gulped.

“That’s right.”

Ryan went to Geoff and let his teary eyes look into Geoff’s. Geoff stated back, his mental shield up and running, so that when he looked into Ryan’s eyes, all he saw was hurt.

Before Geoff knew it, he was on the floor, dumbstruck after Ryan’s fist had hit him squarely in the jaw.

“You’ve ruined my FUCKING LIFE, GEOFF.” He roared. He wasn’t being quiet angry. He was being very vocally angry. And physically angry. Geoff had to curl himself into a ball to try and shield some of the blows to his chest as Ryan kicked him. “You selfish – little – cunt –“ Ryan grunted between kicks “you’ve taken – everything – away from me.” Ryan was crying now, Ray standing back looking shocked and a little confused, not knowing whether to intervene or to let Ryan carry on beating up his boss.

“I’d rather be DEAD than like this!” he screamed, continuing to wail into Geoff with his foot, who was now loudly sobbing on the ground, trying to protect himself. “You should have let me die and dealt with your emotions like a man! You fucked anyone else over like you’ve done to me? Who else’s life have you ruined with your selfishness?”

“G-Gavin” Geoff sobbed, too scared of the man above him to even try and defend himself. “I saved him and – and now he won’t die-“

“You SAVED him? You think you SAVED him? You did him a favour? No wonder he’s been so fucking quiet recently because he knows he will have to watch the world WITHER AND DIE AROUND HIM.”

Geoff’s ribs were probably broken all over again, his leg was in agony but clearly Ryan didn’t give a damn about his injuries and he couldn’t really blame him. His face was a wet mess of tears and blood as Ryan relented, his face redder than Geoff had ever seen, tears streaming from his own eyes, his teeth almost bared.

“You may be my boss, Geoff, but that no way in hell gives you the authority to decide when and if I die.”

Geoff was a snivelling mess when the atmosphere finally died down. Ryan was still breathing heavily as the awkward silence blanketed them, Ray still stood stock still like a man who had just witnessed a murder.

“I need some time alone.” Ryan said quietly. “I’ll see you around Geoff, Ray.”

And without another word, he left.

***

Jack was dabbing the blood from Geoff’s lip with cotton wool. Geoff was still crying and Ray still felt shellshocked from what he’d just witnessed and needless to say, the atmosphere in the office was tense. Apparently nearly all of the building had heard a scuffle going on. Geoff realised he would have to come clean to more people. At least his own employees, his best friends. Gavin was cooing gently, as was his style, to try and calm Geoff down, running fingers through his hair and occasionally kissing the top of his head. Michael was desperately trying to get in touch with Ryan. No one really wanted him to be alone. Geoff had hoped he would go to his own apartment, but he hadn’t been there for the last month or so and would probably find it a bit alien.

“Geoff,” Jack said gently, “You can tell us anything. As absurd, as crazy, as upsetting as it is, you can tell us. We’re not here to judge.”

Geoff didn’t say anything but shook his head furiously. He was not in a good state to explain anything.

“I’ll tell you.” Ray stated. “I’m sort of a part of it.”

Geoff had never been more grateful for Ray. Geoff buried his head in his arms as Ray began to tell them the whole convoluted story.

***  
The guys had been surprisingly understanding. And well, it was only Jack and Michael that really had anything to find out. Geoff promised he would tell The B Team eventually, but at the time they had been in a meeting.

Michael had been angry, which was almost expected. He’d not been quite as angry as Ryan, but had gotten very defensive of Gavin and demanded that Geoff tell both him and Jack how long they had left so that they had some idea and would mean that Geoff wouldn’t be tempted to fuck around with either of them. Geoff was in too bad of a place to do it himself, but Ray had obliged to do it (“I knew there’d be a catch to this job”) and all were relieved when they found out they had long, healthy lives ahead of them and would live to an old age. Work had stopped for the day as they talked it through, Jack being very forgiving and understanding, Michael less so but at the end of the day, everyone was on good terms considering what had happened during the day. Geoff had suggested that they take the week off, but they all refused, saying that “although Geoff had crazy spooky powers they could all look past it and after all he was still a pretty good guy.”

Gavin drove a still reeling Geoff home and did everything for him – cooked for him, did his shopping, tidied their apartment.

Geoff drifted into an uneasy sleep just after midnight when he got a call. Blinded by the light from his phone, he saw the called ID. It was Ryan.

Geoff answered immediately.

“Hello? Ryan?”

“G-Geoff, I’m s-s-sorry,” he stuttered. Ryan was clearly crying. Geoff sat bolt upright in bed.

“It’s okay. I was expecting it. I did a really shitty thing – I ruined your life – I think that warrants a good beating up.”

“I’m s-s-so sorry, G-Geoff, I didn’t mean to r-react like that, a-and I need your h-help.”

“Anything.” Gavin had stirred too, and was looking at Geoff with a puzzled expression.

Ryan’s voice had a quality about it that reminded Geoff of a toddler who’d lost their mum while at the supermarket.

“I’m lost, and I don’t know where I am, and it’s dark and I’m cold and I’m scared.”

“Ry, calm down, okay. Me and Gav will be on our way, we’ll get Jack and Michael on it too. Where are you?”

“I d-don’t know. Some men took m-my cane, my leg hurts and I can’t move.”

“Ryan, stay put.” Geoff said loud and clear. “Don’t move. Ring me if you’re in danger but otherwise, we’re on our way. Okay?”

“O-okay,” Ryan sobbed, before he hung up.

Geoff heaved his aching body from the bed – his lungs stung every time he breathed, his blistered hands grabbed his crutches after getting dressed, his head throbbed as he grabbed his phone to let the other guys know what was going on. Gavin took the car (he’d not strictly passed his test, but he was a competent enough driver) with Geoff in, although they knew that probably most of the search would be on foot. Geoff had never been out in Austin this late sober before. It was a terrifying experience, knowing that one of his best friends was out there, scared and in pain.

We’re coming, Ryan, he thought, we’re coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psst if you've made it this far, I love you. I've never written this much for one story! thanks for sticking me through this dumb little adventure <3
> 
> (pssst if you'd like to help a sista out [and i'm not expecting anything from this but i thought i'd test the waters] i am going to kya sands near johannesburg on a mission trip in april and am fundraising for it - if you'd be willing to help out if you go over to my writing tumblr at lemwrites.tumblr.com, there'll be details there. in return i will write whatever you want and also be forever in your debt) <3 <3


	12. Found and Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets lost and Geoff finds out.

“My guess is that Ryan would have gone towards his apartment. If the man had any sense – that’s where he’d go.”

At night, the streets of Austin are clear enough to park on with no hassle. They’d all decided to meet at a convenient parking spot, which was easily accessible should they need to manhandle Ryan into a car, and it was close enough to the large parks and concrete mazes that a man with memory problems could easily find themselves lost in. It was a spot they all drove past on their commutes to and from work and would hopefully provide Ryan with some familiarity.

“I think I knew the route he took,” Jack said, reaching for his coat from the back seat of his car, “we walked it together a few times when he first moved here.”

“Great. Do we all wanna follow that route or should we split up?” Geoff suggested.

They all looked at the beat-up man on crutches in front of him. Jack cocked an eyebrow.

“Point taken.” Geoff said in a small voice. “Jack, lead the way.”

Jack took charge of his troops and began to walk the streets that he knew by heart, stopping at any side-street to do a quick sweep for Ryan.

When their first search came up empty, they walked back to the car, taking an alternate route that Michael had suggested. They took even more time to check any nooks and crannies that could contain confused men, and they felt their spirits sink as they arrived back to the car with no Ryan to be found.

“Guys,” Gavin piped up, trying to lift the mood. “Is it possible he actually got home and just doesn’t know?”

Jack raised his head. “Didn’t he say it was dark and cold?”

“He’s not been there for a while. Possible he’s forgotten where the light switches are and he’s not had the heating on. I mean, it’s a long shot, but plausible.”

“Right,” Geoff said, now taking the lead. “Gavin and I will go to Ryan’s place in our car. If you and Michael could walk it again, that’d be great. I have a key to Ryan’s place and if we still haven’t found him, we’ll go in and see. If anyone finds him, let the other know. Got it?”

The three of the guys nodded in agreement. Gavin and Geoff got into their car as Michael and Jack set off walking again, torches on full beam. Gavin trawled the streets slowly, his beady eyes looking out for any human-shaped shadow, any clue as to Ryan’s whereabouts.

They only got a clue as to his location when they pulled into the parking lot for Ryan’s apartment building. After walking – or hobbling in Geoff’s case – around the underground parking lot, Gavin found something that looked suspiciously like the head of a walking stick. With the letters JRH inscripted onto the side. Gavin handed it to Geoff who absentmindedly traced his fingers over the sunken letters. They stood in silence for a while.

“RYAN?” Geoff suddenly bellowed. His voice echoed out across the cavernous room, the faint sound of traffic in the distance the only sound that could block out a response. Geoff started moving around, calling out for Ryan. Gavin followed suit, leaving a few seconds between Geoff’s shouts as to make sure that neither of them were shouting over Ryan trying to cry out.

After another ten minutes of searching slowly, Gavin found another piece of cane that belonged to the detached head. He handed it to Geoff.

“It’s like a fuckin treasure hunt,” Geoff sighed quietly, handing the pieces back to Gavin. Feels like if we find the whole thing we’ll find Ryan. RYAN?”

There was a few seconds silence before they heard a weak cry.

“Geoff…”

Gavin abandoned Geoff and ran to the source of the cry. Geoff followed as quickly as possible to find Ryan lying on the ground, by the apartment’s communal recycling bins, dried blood around his nose and cheeks stained by tears. Gavin was working on getting him to sit up before he started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Hey, hey,” Gavin said, gently rubbing his hand across Ryan’s back as if he were comforting an infant. “We’ve got you.”

“G-Geoff,” Ryan stuttered, “I-I’m really sorry-“

“Ry, you don’t need to apologise to me,” Geoff said, smiling at him. “It’s fine-“

“I-I love you, Geoff, and, and I l-lashed out.”

“It’s fine, Ry, I understand.”

Still sobbing, Ryan was heaved onto his feet, using Gavin as support. They started moving towards the car. Geoff had no signal and was surprised that Ryan had managed to get signal under the apartments – thank God he did have signal, Geoff thought.

They bundled Ryan into the back of the car, Geoff getting in the back with him. Immediately, Ryan put his head on Geoff’s shoulder and continued to cry. Although the pressure was causing Geoff some pain, he felt it wasn’t appropriate to complain. He didn’t care for his wellbeing at this particular time.

As they left the parking lot and mobile signal returned, Geoff got in touch with the other two and told them to call off the search. They drove past them on their way back to the meeting point and picked the two of them up, who were relieved to the verge of tears to find Ryan alive and well.

“You guys,” Ryan said, his sobs having receded a little, “I didn’t expect you all to come find me.”

“Hey,” Michael piped up. “Team Crazy Mad. Team. Can’t have Team Crazy Mad without the Mad.”

A small smile spread across Ryan’s face, who was still leaning on Geoff’s shoulder.

Geoff felt himself ease as he listened to Ryan’s breathing, becoming less erratic and softer, almost as if he were asleep. He looked down at the man leaning against him, his eyes taking in the scenery, tears still clinging to his long eyelashes. Geoff managed to find one of Ryan’s hands with his own and gave it a squeeze – Ryan clung onto him as if he was holding on for dear life.

“Geoff?” Ryan suddenly asked, his voice now under control.

“Mmhmm?”

“Would you marry me if I asked you to?”

Geoff caught Gavin looking at the two of them in the rear view mirror, unable to figure out an expression from the limited view he had.

“Why, are you asking me to?” Geoff laughed.

“Yeah.” Ryan replied.

Geoff wasn’t sure whether to take it seriously. He did love Ryan, very much, but he didn’t want to commit to anything – there was a good chance Ryan would forget come the morning – but he also had Gavin to think about. It wasn’t a traditional relationship, sure, but he’d hate to hurt him… but then, his feelings for Ryan were different from his feelings for Gavin. He loved being with Gavin, and they had a great time together, but there was just something different about Ryan, something that struck a chord with his heart.

Ah, fuck it, Geoff thought.

“Okay then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there has been quite a gap between updates, the reason for that is that I felt insensitive posting sort of sensitive material during such a hard time for the RT fandom. Not to say that we should have moved on by now, but maybe we can start returning to normal.  
> So it was nice to write a happy chapter for once.  
> And we're reaching the end!! Weeeh.


	13. End Credits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye, Strange Hours. You have been fun.   
> Got another good story lined up next. This time, GTA AU. So keep your peepers peeled!  
> Warnings for character death (but like, natural? Expected), cancer mention, murder, madness and NANOMACHINES (but not really).

Ryan and Geoff did marry in the end. A few years after Ryan’s initial proposal. It was a nice little ceremony – well, ceremony was maybe too grandiose a term – but they signed some papers and had a small reception with a handful of guests. It had been really rather lovely.

Gavin hadn’t minded at all – in fact he was looking for a reason to be with Michael a little more seriously. Although Geoff appeared to have been racked with guilt over at first, accepting Ryan’s proposal, Gavin was… relieved. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for Geoff any more. He just felt he needed to move on, and Michael had his arms open, waiting for him, on the day Gavin decided to take things with Michael (and eventually, Lindsay) to the next level. Of course, Geoff still played a major role in his life, due to their rather unorthodox connection.

Ray had been the first to go. He was in his sixties and although the group known as Achievement Hunter was no longer creating content, they still were very close. He had cancer that had been discovered too late for anything productive to be done. He took it all in his stride, of course, with that deadpan attitude he always adopted, and he went peacefully, surrounded by loved ones.

It was then that it struck Gavin. He’d have to sit through this grief, time after time after time. He’d never really forgotten about his “ability”, but he’d never been made so more aware of it than when his close friends started to die.

Because of this, he tried not to get too wrapped up in grief – knowing that he’d have to face it time after time – but he couldn’t. He may have come across as cold and uncaring to some, he did have a heart. And he couldn’t control his emotions.

Michael was next. He had a heart attack. During Gavin’s obituary, he’d mentioned that Michael was too fierce a person to not “rage quit” life. Everyone smiled. They laughed. Gavin felt a little better.

Michael’s death sent Gavin into depression he’d never known before. Even Lindsay holding his hand through every day, never made him feel safe, or grounded. Which it always did. Lindsay died a few months later, and then Gavin was alone, his beautiful, life-giving, fulfilling relationship, disappeared in the space of a year. It was at this time that Gavin wished that he could die.

Although Ryan’s memory had significantly improved since his missing incident, the damage came back to haunt him in his seventies. He had a fit, similar to the one he’d suffered all those years ago, and Geoff, his husband, and their three kids came to the decision that this time, it was better to let him go. For his own sake. It had been an uphill struggle when Ryan was in the prime of his life, and it would have been cruel to force him to endure all that, all over again. Geoff wasn’t exactly a young man any more, his memory not too sharp either. Ryan was surrounded by his husband, children and grandchildren when he passed away, peacefully, in his sleep.

A few weeks later, Jack passed away. Again, in a calm, relaxed, sleep. They found him with a smile on his face. Jack had achieved everything in life that he’d wanted. A beautiful wife, a house full of life and a career that he could look back at and be proud of. Despite the truffle shuffle being broadcast for thousands, if not millions of people. He could look back at his time on the planet and smile, knowing he’d bought smiles to millions of other people.

When Geoff passed, Gavin snapped.

He was alone. Everything, everyone around him had withered and died like those pretty spring flowers that pop up for a few weeks before disappearing, and never being seen again. He’d watched it all, from behind impenetrable eyes, his mind, his mood, his psyche deteriorating with each headstone, with each urn, with each bunch of flowers placed in remembrance.

He was angry. He was angry at Geoff, but missed him so much, he was angry at the world and whatever freaky force had made him like this. He’d scream and yell at old photos he had of his friends, jealous of their mortality.

He became a wanted criminal. Unable to control his rage, his fear, he became a skilled shot, every slightly negative encounter becoming the straw that broke the camel’s back. A shotgun blast to the face, thin, tanned hands wrapped around a throat, slowly, slowly squeezing the life out of anyone who dared to look at him funny. He would never face death and therefore became Death Incarnate.

He’d been to prison a few times. He’d escaped from prison a few times. He had several PHDs, a method of output that wasn’t bloody murder – not enough to stop him from bludgeoning his lecturer to death if the mark wasn’t what Gavin thought he deserved. Gavin had achieved a balance of violence and academia and it suited him perfectly. It all seemed right in his fractured mind. He’d lost his moral compass, no longer having a sense for what was right and what was wrong.

Mad with loneliness, he’d dug his own grave next to Geoff’s, almost like a grim reminder of what Geoff had made impossible. He’d curl up in the earthy pit and cry, like a baby, curled up in the foetal position, almost begging the earth to swallow him, decompose him and make him nothing. But no matter how hard he cried, the earth would never listen to him, and he would come around, cold, damp and covered in dirt.

It had been around four hundred years before Gavin finally found peace.

A scientific breakthrough that could change your genes to suit your needs had become a worldwide craze. It had been a cure for cancer, terminal illnesses, diabetes, hormone imbalances, it had made everyone with access to it, a perfect specimen of human. The demand had become so large that people could request genes to order. He’d taken the CEO of the company hostage and demanded mortality.

They’d spent another fifty years working on Gavin’s problem, running tests and working hard under the threat that Gavin could snap at any second and take them all out, no problem. It had been kept away from the media, it was all under wraps. Gavin felt as if he had the world under his thumb. He certainly didn’t, but had the ability to make that come true if he wished.

When they found a solution, Gavin took the vials and the little needles that were complimentary with any order, and went to his grave. He had no headstone. He didn’t need a headstone. He didn’t have anyone that would come looking for it.

The first step was to make himself immortal.

He injected the solution into the protruding vein in his right arm and felt the cold liquid spread through his body. This immortality wasn’t the result of a fucking, nearly 500-year-long nightmare that Geoff had put him through. This was manufactured, potent, science-based and objectively, able to be remedied. It was the first vial of immortality ever produced, and the company swore, after the work Gavin had put them through, that they would never produce another. Who would want to make themselves immortal, anyway?

An hour later, he pulled his favourite pistol from its holster and placed it on the ground beside him. He tossed the used needle, the empty vial aside and prepared the second step.

Concentrated, liquid mortality.

He felt giddy as he held his fate, his answer in his hands, a droplet hanging magnificently on the end of a needle, almost like a dare.

He plunged the needle into his arm. This moment was something he had been waiting for, for years on end. He felt pain as he became mortal, the scars from the various prison stabbings stinging, the gunshot wounds throbbing and becoming sore, his head, his splitting headache making the light unbearable. He felt human. For the first time in a very, very long time, he was human.

He laughed. He laughed loud, in an insane, unhinged kind of way as he initiated step three. Cackling, he placed the barrel of his gun in his mouth. Still laughing, almost howling with laughter, he pulled the trigger without a moment’s hesitation.

Gavin’s world went black.

He finally did it.

He died.

He died laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is a suitable ending! I felt if it wasn't like a "summary" sort of chapter, it would just drag on and on and on.   
> Thank you for all the feedback throughout this story. It's meant the world to me! Of course I would still appreciate feedback to take through the next project! I love you all <3

**Author's Note:**

> "The Essence of Time.  
> Write about a character as they gain a very strange talent. They’re able to see a counter on top of people’s heads, counting down the days until that person dies. What does this character do when they realize that someone dear to them is going to die… this very same day?"
> 
> prompt from maxkirin.tumblr.com!


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